I Can't Promise a Fairytale

August 21, 2010
By ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
30 articles 2 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daydreams can be worse than nightmares, but that never stops me.


Switchfoot says, “Hold fast to the break of daylight, the shadow proves the sunshine.”
The only problem is, I still have to deal with the shadows.
The only problem is, this isn’t a fairytale and I’m not insured a happy ending.

If this were a fairytale, I’d still have my beast, the girl that may as well be Beauty. I’d still have my best gal, someone to talk to any time of the day. I’d still have that strength, honesty and purity. I’d still have the artistic girl that rose her arms to the sky in a bright kitchen at 3:14 AM on that day in late May, quoting He whom she believes in.
“Let there be light!”
And let it bring the shadows and a single haunting question.
What happened?

It’s a question I ask myself often wishing I had the answer, wishing it were a multiple-choice question. I even ask around my mental database, my imaginary friend Alexa, the superheroes Momo and Appa, their archenemies Omega One, Omega Two, Omega Three, and the four daughter of Omega Two, known as the Omega Fours. None of them have the answers, either. They just echo my question.
What happened?

I believe I sound crazy, absolutely insane. I’m okay with being crazy alone, but it’s better in groups.
I miss the days we were crazy together, sometimes just us and sometimes with others, other friends or Brother Beast or Mama Beast.

Dancing at Skateaway. Rocking out in general. Thriller. Coming up with elaborate, evil plans that would never work. Ice cream. The mall. Modeling clothes we would never wear. Staying up all night, even when I had to get my butt to karate early the next morning.

I choose you, Pikachu.

Getting married illegally through a Pokéball and a Ring Pop, no papers to sign, no minister, no reception, no dress, no guests, all fake and quick before school one day, a day we never remember. Our anniversary was to be Halloween, since the real date slipped our minds. It’s not real but it’s Facebook official.
At least, it was.

Momo and Appa wield their weapons, the Ipod and the baseball bat, demanding answers.
What happened?

I guess it’s because I went away. Nine days and suddenly the distance was greater than the distance I traveled, that 3500 or so miles.
Months later and in that time conversation was so hard, difficult, forced. Face to face was awkward. I wish everything could be back to how it was before I got on that plane. I wish seeing each other would have sparked this idle friendship, but instead it saddened me.
I hate it.
What happened?

What’s the difference, anyway? You’ll be leaving in a few days, off to your new life, to the years you’ll never forget.

The difference is that I miss you, everything and anything. I still have those colored pictures of us, the interchangeable Beauty and Beast, hanging on my wall, along with Salvador Peter the Third. I’ve taken great care of that unicorn. He misses you.

I miss our promise, the one that I know will be broken, that we’ll stay in touch and stay the same, as always, just as close, distance doesn’t matter.

Even in my wildest dreams, I do not see us fulfilling that promise.

And you may think I’m crazy or overly lonely or any number of other adjectives that may or may not be good.

But my Beast containing a Beauty, I make this new promise, one I won’t break. I won’t forget you, though we may not stay in touch, and I’ll always take care of Salvador Peter the Third, thought he’ll continue to miss you terribly. You are his father-mother, after all.

I promise the shadows will be the fading of our bond and the goodbye. I promise the sunshine will be the memories of our long-lost friendship, the one that will always have a place in my heart.

I pinky promise.

Until the last petal falls.



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This article has 23 comments.


on May. 24 2011 at 11:52 am
KellyEmilie BRONZE, Alfred, Maine
3 articles 0 photos 4 comments

*petal

whoops. (:


on May. 24 2011 at 11:51 am
KellyEmilie BRONZE, Alfred, Maine
3 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Until the last pedal falls

AMAZING! I love this article, It really shows how things change over time. Keep writing!


on Oct. 9 2010 at 8:27 am
ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
30 articles 2 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daydreams can be worse than nightmares, but that never stops me.

Thanks xD I'm glad you liked it

on Oct. 9 2010 at 8:21 am
HeatherBee BRONZE, I Live In, Texas
1 article 0 photos 1985 comments

Favorite Quote:
Go on and try to tear me down. I will be rising from the ground, like a skyscraper

Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect

aww, this article was reallyy good: there was deep emotion nd it had great voice.. i also loved how u ended it

on Sep. 22 2010 at 6:11 am
ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
30 articles 2 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daydreams can be worse than nightmares, but that never stops me.

The Good: No worries about the weirdness.

The Bad: Yeah, I've been getting that "I don't understand what this is" thing a lot...and yup, inside jokes of course xP

The Random: Isn't it good that you have memories that'll make you laugh so long?

Thanks!


AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Sep. 21 2010 at 9:36 pm
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 608 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

The good: This made my head go twisty-turny and brought back a rush of hysterical best-friend memories.  BTW, I'm sorry for my weirdness, I'm goofy when I'm tired. :) Anyway, though, this was really good, and I loved the emotion!

The Bad: Slightly confusing, but not in a bad way too often.  Most of the time it was in a "haha sorry this is an inside joke you aren't allowed to get" way.  Kinda sweet, really.

The Random:  This brings back so many memories!  Have you read my "Dropping Off the Face of the Earth"?  Kinda reminds me of that.  Haha thanks a lot, now I'm going to be laughing to myself about memories until I go to bed... :)


on Sep. 19 2010 at 8:22 pm
ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
30 articles 2 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daydreams can be worse than nightmares, but that never stops me.

Thanks =) and no problem

on Sep. 19 2010 at 5:04 pm
In_Love_Loved PLATINUM, Concord, New Hampshire
24 articles 0 photos 33 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I've lost my faith in so many things but I still believe in you." -Sanctus Real

Hi! Thank you for your nice feedback on my article. I appreciate it. I really liked this article a lot. It's good emotion and description.

on Sep. 18 2010 at 9:57 pm
Just.A.Dream SILVER, Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
7 articles 0 photos 431 comments

Favorite Quote:
Part of the J7X team. :)

Ahh, okay. :) And it's no problem, I enjoy reading your work! I haven't been in the writing forums that much lately, but anytime you get more work up, just comment, and I'll look!

on Sep. 18 2010 at 9:05 pm
ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
30 articles 2 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daydreams can be worse than nightmares, but that never stops me.

Thanks =) I kinda knew it wouldn't make sense to basically...well...everyone, but I had to leave it how I wrote it or else it wouldn't have had the same meaning =)

 

By the way, I'm just going to give you a huge THANK YOU for all your previous and future comments xD


on Sep. 18 2010 at 8:32 pm
Just.A.Dream SILVER, Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
7 articles 0 photos 431 comments

Favorite Quote:
Part of the J7X team. :)

I love the beauty and the beast references! It made the characters seem so real in a fantasy way! Some of it doesn't make sense to me, because I don't know the characters though. The last sentence is so memorable though.

Until the last petal falls.

So touching!


on Sep. 4 2010 at 1:55 pm
ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
30 articles 2 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daydreams can be worse than nightmares, but that never stops me.

Oh, and Pokemon. I forgot that one xD

on Sep. 4 2010 at 1:54 pm
ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
30 articles 2 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daydreams can be worse than nightmares, but that never stops me.

I made anime references? Really? I know I made references to Beauty and the Beast...but most of the other stuff is inside jokes or whatever between me and my "Beast" (like Momo, Appa, and the Omegas).

Yeah, it's true =) Thanks for the feedback!


Whylime said...
on Sep. 3 2010 at 6:55 pm
Whylime, Brentwood, Tennessee
0 articles 0 photos 157 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grief is the price we pay for love -- Queen Elizabeth ll
Don't go there, I'll only follow -- ???
Why is a raven like a writing desk? -- The Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland
Chewing gum is really gross, chewing gum I hate the most -- Willy W.

this is true right? well any hoozle its good but a bit strange.... anime references mostly but that was somehow wierdly good because it gave the characters more depth and made them more unique.

on Aug. 31 2010 at 11:57 am
ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
30 articles 2 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daydreams can be worse than nightmares, but that never stops me.

Thanks =) The feedback is greatly appreciated. Sorry it was a bit hard to follow =) It was a stream-of-consciousness piece, so that's probably why. Thanks again!

on Aug. 31 2010 at 8:44 am
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1754 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

This...was beautiful.  Haunting, beautiful, and sad.  The writing style is very unique and fresh, not one I"m used to.  This was a very powerful piece, I could really feel the emotion.   The only thing I could say was it was a tiny bit hard to follow.  The ending was amazing.  I"m sorry you had to go through this.

on Aug. 30 2010 at 9:54 pm
ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
30 articles 2 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daydreams can be worse than nightmares, but that never stops me.

It's not lame =) It's completely understandable. Thanks for the critique, as well, and I'm sorry I almost made you cry. I'm glad I managed to pull off the stream of consciousness without it sounding too weird, and as for the motifs, I didn't even notice them until I was done and simply let them be mostly how they were, so I can definitely understand them not tying together.

Thanks again for the honest feedback =) It's greatly appreciated!


on Aug. 30 2010 at 9:04 pm
Annalibelle BRONZE, Elmsford, New York
2 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Hi, it’s Annali from Actually Helpful Critique.

(I realize that this is a true story, and I extend my love to you, but I’m going to basically critique your writing as if this were any other kind of piece.)

The quote at the beginning is a great way to make a reader curious. Just a nitpick, but it might sound better phrased Switchfoot once said, “Hold fast to the break of daylight, the shadow proves the sunshine” or  “Hold fast to the break of daylight, the shadow proves the sunshine”-Switchfoot.

Okay, on to the serious stuff. The first sentence of the second paragraph “If this were a fairytale, I’d still have…” is a bit of a stretched reference, and might confuse a reader as to what the premise of the piece really is. The end of the second paragraph is very haunting, and sets up the rest of the piece very well. The almost stream of consciousness way the story is told gives the sadness extra depth. The style is used very effectively and flows and doesn’t sound clunky or jagged as some stream of consciousness pieces tend to do.  

The motifs of “what happened” “beauty and the beast “and the “shadows” from the Switchfoot quote were well attempted, but they didn’t wind fully through. They weren’t quite consistently applied or tied together/ connected to each other.

The ending was great; “I pinky promise” almost made me cry.

This piece was very poignant in general, but it resonated with me especially because one of my good friends moved away a long time ago. I feel so awful and guilty that I lost touch with her, and that things aren’t the same. I think of her every day, and I wish there was some non-creepy way to talk to her again and tell her this. Yeah, I’m lame.


on Aug. 30 2010 at 3:36 pm
ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
30 articles 2 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daydreams can be worse than nightmares, but that never stops me.

Thanks =) I'll be sure to check out your work when I get the chance!

Ash.x BRONZE said...
on Aug. 30 2010 at 10:25 am
Ash.x BRONZE, Swansea,Wales, Other
1 article 0 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another."

wow i really like your writing :) 

could you please comment/rate my work i only have on article up - any suggestions lemme know :) 

thanks, and great job! 





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