My Life, My Story, My Suicide

August 18, 2010
By , del city, OK
Let me see. I never spoke too anyone about my past, but just recently I have been feeling just open, maybe its because that the higher my death number increases, the less pain i feel. This is about to be one of the most depressing stories, now im not going to compare who's life is worst, but I am going to start of by explaining my childhood growing up, then about some bumps. Such as my first friends death, leading up to four more deaths, then after thatI will explain exactly how I got over my suicidal momment.

When I was 4 years old my mother sent me to live with my Grandpa. My mother never like her father, and I dont like my Grandpa either. It was my second year that I realized that my Grandpa was hurting me to much, he would kick me around the floor, and yell at me for something that belittled him because of my actions. Year after that year, my grandpa would also make me eat off the floor, I never really minded that, probably because I was to young to realize what humiliation. Then my las and final year with my Grandpa, he acted like a person who actually cared about me and my brother.It was my Mother taking me to live with her, she was suprised about the results from my Grandpa's raising me and my brother.She was incredibly disappointed, we were so rotten that we would cuss at my mom, I never really knew better. I grew up cussing and swearing like it was a normal language, but my mom squared me and my brother pretty well, at least me because I know all of my mistakes as a kid.

Now its the story of my friends who failed too solve their problems, who I have failed. Though out those years with my grandpa i met a kid name Xaiver, he was about one year older than I was, but his parents let me live with him on the weekends. He was like a brother to me. This one weekend I went to the beach with Xavier and his family, this day I wont ever forget. I was eight, and I watched my friend drown to death. I watched him die a painful death. 'Till this very day I never forgot him. I never forgot my brother to me. Now that I lived in hawaii I was happy to meet my first crush, and my first kiss. Her name was Tasha, and she drew pictures like i drew pictures. She said that the type of drawings I made were called anime or manga. She introduced me to everything that has to do with pencil and paper. Then one day I went to school, she wasnt there. I thought she may have been sick, but her sister was in tears and she told me what has happened. She got killed in a car crash, because she was riding in the car with her drunk father. Later on her sister commited suicide, I was thirteen. I started to get depressed, I wrote suicide notes for fun, I thought that I was going to die of sadness. Then I moved to Oklahoma, which I still live. I met this kid named Andrew, I would hang out with him everyday almost. I sat with him at lunch, we talked and played. By the time we wear in Middle School. He fell in love with this girl named Elaina. As relationships usually end is in sadness, that is when Andrew became suicidal. Now I did everything I can to try to save him, but he tried to hang himself. He didnt manage to do that, his father sent him to a mental institution, where he attempted to hang himself again with a shoe lace, but yet a another failed attempt. During all of this is when I started wrighting my own music. I wrote songs of sadness, sorrow, death, and suicide thoughts. I do belive that Andrew is out of the mental institution. I have never heard of him agian. Latly after that I was 16, which is the same age I am right now. I joined a Naval Junior ROTC at my highschool, and I went to a ball at the rank of C/PO2 (cadet petty officer 2nd class)where I met a girl named jerusha, She was the most beautiful girl that I have seen at the ball, and i finnaly had the courage to ask her out. She said yes, we danced, I have never felt so happy since Xavier. We had a relationship for 6 months after that, thats when I found out that she had cheated on me with six of her friends, one of them is which my friend Jesse, and his sister told me, Maryanne. In the middle of our relationship, my friend Jesse died in a car accident, he was drinking at a party, he couldnt get a ride home, and so he drove. Lately after that i became suicidal again.
I lost so many friends and the girl I loved. How did I pull through.

The last segment of this, is that I would have never survived if I didnt breakdown in front of my mom, she brought me too therapy, where I recieved help. Now I am an average kid at MHS, where I have a twisted story. I know pain, and again I say that i'm not compairing whos life is worst. this is just the story of "My life, My story, My suicide."





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Healing_Angel This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 25, 2010 at 5:12 am
Powerful. One suggestion: check the punctuation and grammar as there are a few tiny mistakes. It will make it easier to read. Great job! 
 
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