Losing My Virginity

August 16, 2010
By Anonymous

Writing old memories at 5:21 AM seems fitting, does it not? I wanted to put something I've been meaning to type out this specific memory, just so I can wonder. I wonder, if I tell you my past events, can you relate to me? Am I just a stupid teenager for doing what I have done in the past? I couldn't tell anyone. I rather tell a group of youths willing to understand.

Back in April of 2010, I experienced my first break-up with my first boyfriend. It was funny, now that I thought about it. He was my best friend and yet, he chose his XBOX360 over his girlfriend. Of course, I was depressed. He gave me happy, normal memories. We went on dates, had fun and laughs. That guy gave me my first kiss too. It was bliss. All of that was shattered though.

After recieving comforting instant messages from friends, I recieved one from fellow gaming buddy. I only knew him online. He was my age and we had lots in common. It was even better knowing he lived near me and he used to go to my elementary school. After a conversation, I'd agreed to meet up with him on a date. We promised to see each other at a local college, hosting the Fall of Saigon's 35th anniversary.

Around 4 PM, I was in my black dress with black sandals. I was excited. If the date was sucessful, we would have opened up to each other more. Maybe, I would ask him out. I was still heartbroken, if you remember. At 5 PM, I was dropped off and I met up with him. I couldn't help but smile. He had long hair, a good height, and he was wearing formal clothes. I ended up ditching the event though. How mischievous.

From 5 PM to 7 PM, I was in control of myself. Both of us went to get some coffee. After that, we went on a walk to visit his grandmother and then to the park. There, he confronted me. He asked me if I was okay, and obviously, that ruined my mood. I ended up throwing broken sticks as far as I can. He joined in with me. And even though, it got colder, I felt his warmth. He pulled me in close as we walked back to the event. I never felt at peace.

Once we got back, I had an hour left. 8 PM, we were at the park next door to the event. It turned dark and you can see the moon and the stars shining so brightly. I laid on his lap as he sipped his Monster Energy drink. I explained my feelings, how I wish I can truly have a little bit more freedom from my mother, and how I felt empty. He said my name softly, and I just stared into the night sky.
He called my name once more, and pulled my face gently, so my eyes can stare into his. I was pulled into his dark eyes. His eyes were pure as he told me he loves me, and I felt honesty and love when he told me that. He leaned in and started kissing me. What started out as a simple kiss converted into a deep passionate kiss. It was the type of kiss where you can taste each other's tougne and feel a rush of just...passion. I felt love drugged. My mind couldn't help but hold him closer and before I knew it, we ended up having sex.

After that, we held hands and went back to the event. My mind was just filled with crazy thoughts. What just happened? How could i have done that? Could I be safe around my new boyfriend? Once my time has rung, I immediately let go of his hand, saying goodbye and running away.

We ended up spending alot of time with each other over instant messaging and voice chats. He was almost like the "perfect" boyfriend. He admit he was also a virgin and he always tried to make me smile. He told me he loves me, and he promises me he would keep me safe. It was funny, I even met his mother through voice chat. I felt like in heaven. Yeah, we went on few dates. And we couldn't stop making out. I never thought I would feel love like this from him.

Once he told me he wanted to buy a ring for me and get married, my dream ended. It was like an alarm clock. I just stared at him and just smiled. I told him, "don't waste your money on me. I bet you we won't even last long." He kept denying, but I just smiled.

Once summer break began, we grew apart and he ended up dumping me for his computer games.

I told you so.

I couldn't help but feel so much depression. I realize now that, I did not regret what I did. So, I lost my virginity. I am thankful it was not through rape, and that I was protected. I don't have to go through "Oh, you're still a virgin" events, just to give myself a laugh. And overall, he made me realize that I did feel love, but I have to remember that both of us we're still young. It's bound to end in something stupid sometimes. I just couldn't believe he ended it, choosing his computer games over me.

I recently had a voice chat with him one day. He told me that breaking up with me was something he will always regret. I laughed, and told him I was right. You can never gaurantee something so mature at an immature age.

The author's comments:
This was of course, something I will never forget. It made me a bit more self conscious, but I realized. It was a lesson about reality.

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