I was alone for the first time in a long time I was completely alone, and I didn't like the empty feeling of lonliness. I drew in a jagged breath, got up and looked in mirror, i was so pale. I looked sick and the truth is I was. I had pushed my body to the breaking point. I had no friends, they had gotten fed up with the way I was acting. All i cared about was getting high or gettign drunk. I didn't recognize myself st that point. Whenever something went wrong it seemed like there was a pill for it. I started sellign ym own perscription meds at the beginning of 8th grade to get money for drugs. I did vicidon, oxycotin, pot, acid and aderol. Aderol was my main drug that i "needed" every day. It had started innocent but soon spiraled out of control. People would ask if everything is okay and i would put a smile on and say "yes, why wouldn't i be okay?" THe truth was at that point nothing was okay. My parents were fighting and my brother was off getting into trouble and my older sister promised to get us out of our house and take care of us but she ended up abandoning us. I started drinking and gettign drunk everyday and doing any drug i could get my hands on. I would run around town lookign for anybody that would give me a hit of whatever they were smoking. I was desperate to get high. I started to act crazy. I would start bursting otu laughing in the middle of class or i would start screaming and i couldn't control myself. Then out of paranoia i started bringing a knife and lighter to school for protection. I got caught with a lighter in school and got suspended. i constantly skipped classes and rarely did my homework. My parents didn't do anything, they felt helpless. One day i overdosed and that was the day everything started to change. My dealers were concerned about me and cut me off which forced me to get clean. I started to get my color back and gain back all the weight i had lost. It had beed 6 months since i have done any drug. It is a daily struggle to resist the temptations of addiction. With the support of soem amazing friends and a therapist I am on the right track to recovery.
Addiction and Recovery
August 5, 2010