"Heartbreak knockin’ em down like the seventh grade"

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I’ll probably repeat myself countless times here, but just bear with me. While jamming out to KOL as well as YouTubing Garden State movie clips, I have come to a plethora of conclusions. How could you ever really leave something? It’s like we have to make a choice. We can be in love with this person or we can’t. We can remain friends with this person or not. We can act the same way towards this person or we can change it up completely. Why do we HAVE to do anything? Why is it so black and white these days? Let’s not make this so dramatic people. Just chill out and be okay. Just be okay, you know? And love what you love, but don’t think that you can’t love. The more you love, the more chances you have for people to love you back. Stop thinking that you just have the power to stop love. You’ll never have that. Love is going to stop when it stops, for those of you who actually believe it stops. It may go into hiding, but I don’t think it ever goes away. There is an infinite amount of love created each and every day… and I think when you “stop loving” someone, you just lend your love to someone who needs to feel it. Then one day someone else will “stop loving” someone and will pass their love to you. And one day you’ll stop lending people your love and you’ll be set. Once you stop letting people borrow your adoration, you will no longer have the power to break hearts. Only to get yours broken.

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"Born to run, baby run like a stream down a mountainside

With the wind in my back I don’t ever even bat an eye

Just know it was you all along who had a hold of my heart

But the demon and me were the best of friends from the start

So the time we shared it was precious to me

All the while I was dreaming of revelry"

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Why is it that just as someone has their backs turned, so much becomes evident? There’s suddenly so much to say and so little time to say it. But when you’re with them, forever is a pretty plausible time. Ok, ok so this is the whole cliche “you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone” deal, but it’s so much more than that. Because it isn’t that you don’t know what you have. Because, you do. You just look at it in a very different light. I mean, who really knows that your last embrace is going to be your last? I guess some people may… that time when you just know. The air is somehow different, and it’s funny because even if it isn’t said, you both just know it’s going to be the last time. It doesn’t have to be announced, because somehow the silence announces it aloud. But 95% of the time it’s just a habitual thing that you never think will be the very last time it occurs. So perhaps you take that for granted. Perhaps when in habit you forget all of the reasons you love that person and need to be right where you are. But I don’t think that makes for a person who doesn’t care. Because you take what you have and you never expect it to go away. Because in your perfect world, it’s there for eternity. And we all like to think that life is exactly what we want, right? I mean, come on don’t you sit and think ‘I really want to be the greatest musician that ever lived’ and see yourself doing exactly that? Life is exactly what we want it to be in our minds until someone in reality proves us otherwise. If we’re really lucky, we will be passed by and no one will prove us otherwise… and we’ll get everything we ever dreamed of. I just think we all think of life in accordance to ourselves. And when something isn’t there that we expect to be there, well a stick has been thrown into our spokes and we’ve got no sure way of steering. It doesn’t mean you don’t know how to ride a bike… it just means you expected it to happen a certain way and didn’t plan for something that would throw you off. You’re going to pedal, right after left, and that’s how it’s going to go. And just because it may get repetitive doesn’t mean that you don’t enjoy it beyond reason. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t going to stick with bike riding the next day and the next. You see? You’re going to stick with what you love. You stick with the people you love, no matter how much you dream otherwise. You stick with them, because you’d be crazy to leave anything worth loving.

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"You’ll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day, and it’s just gone. And you can never get it back. It’s like you get homesick for a place that doesn’t exist. I mean it’s like this rite of passage, you know. You won’t have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it’s like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that’s all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place."
-Garden State

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Maybe home is a place you have to find. You’re born, then you’re taken inside this structure and given a piece of this structure and from that moment on for years this is where you lay your head at night and open your eyes to the sunlight in the morning. And that’s just how it is. But as I’ve learned, nothing is ever that easy. I think maybe we’re all just playing hide and seek. Our homes are out there, we’ve just yet to find them. We look in place after place but aren’t always so lucky. You know when you would easter egg hunt and you may see a bright green leaf and be tricked into thinking you’ve found an egg? That’s just it. You think you’ve found it. You’re sure you’ve got it. But you haven’t. You’ve just been fooled. And you’ve got to keep searching. You’ve got to find your home. Someone to come home to. Someone who makes a home a home. Because it will never be home until they’re there. It will just be a place…a piece of land that happens to be “in your name” as if you could buy what isn’t ours anyways. Maybe you’ll find your home and they’ll still be searching. It’s okay. You can’t change someone. You can’t make a person find a home in your eyes. Or find beauty in the curve of your spine. Or safety in the way your hair falls. You don’t want someone that doesn’t have all of those traits. It’s strange, because we think that only we can leave our home… but in essence, it is only our home that can leave us.

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"Always remember the pact that we made

Too young to die but old isn’t great" -KOL

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So here’s the deal loves. We’ve all got an allotted amount of time here, right? So why spend a minute of it in a destination that is not your own. Go ahead and follow the road home. Stop lying to yourself and get on with it. It’s your life, and you can’t blame anyone but yourself for letting time pass you by. Spend everything wisely. Carpe Diem, to be cliche. Love what you love people. Stop telling yourself that you can’t love it. I promise there isn’t a giant rule book anywhere that says you’ve got to stop loving someone due to some circumstance. Free your mind of everything that everyone is saying and be happy with the person you know makes you happy. Listen only to your heart. It’s love’s compass, you see?

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"Hand over your heart, let’s go home…"