He brought back my smile... he doesn’t know he did it & so effortlessly... the sight of him even after all this time still makes me makes me silent, shy, and nervous for a while. His smile made me smile & whenever I was the cause it made my day. If I was ever upset because of him & he didn’t know his smile was enough to make me get over it, looking into his eyes put me at ease; made me feel nervous and like everything was right. it gave me some type of feeling that no matter how many times moments like that happened I still can’t explain it, but I know it’s highly addictive. Weird because I strongly dislike eye contact but it changes with him. Laying in his arms made me feel protected & gave me the thought that everything would be ok, to listen to his heartbeat like a metronome, powerful enough to put me in a hypnotic trance. His voice had me like omg so sexy lol... his smart remarks so rude but so funny...his laugh itself is funny w/o a joke and even if i try to kill his i always end up laughing w/ him or shaking my head and smiling.the thought of him seems to appear often because something, some place, someone is always reminding me of him. When holding his hand I got that feeling in mine when a part of your body falls asleep, like you couldn't move it & it was always soft and warm, Mine always cold when in his, I still don’t know why. Where ever he touched me gave me a tingly numb feeling and sometimes I got weak in the knees. I adored his warm embrace, the longer we hugged the faster he got my heart racing & he knew it but no matter how embarrassing that was I still didn’t want to let go... his sent smelt so good... a funny memory was when out of nowhere I stopped. Smelt him & was like wow you smell good! I felt like a weirdo for doing that afterwards. He has a great affect on my body, my mind and basically me. Never have I ever let this happen. Never did I ever want this to be like this. I was just supposed to have feels for him on a friend level but who knew it ever turn up like this? The more I think about it the more i don't know. I’ve tried to stop this or find some meaning to it that is far beyond my understanding but it’s simple. True sincere feelings are hard to stop... no matter how many times he hurt me I still felt the same and sometimes it even enhanced them. Have it been any other girl who went through the exact same thing with him and did what I did I guarantee they would have been said to forget it but I’m not any other girl, Some may say im stupid and who knows they maybe right... all i know is that im in love with him for sure.
August 1, 2010