<143, Forever

July 27, 2010
Dear you,
I've wasted one wish bracelet, four relationships, and three years on you. Countless poems and so many hours of wishing for you. Days spent analyzing conversations, nights spent fantasizing about that talk that would lead to a lifetime.

In reality, we have a broken friendship, a lost girl, and the guy who put her through hell. That girl - me - is done. We don't talk like we used to even though I know we could. We have chemistry, if only of the best friend type. But I'm done acting like we don't know each other sometimes and talking lightheartedly other times. I miss you and I'm sick of it, and I don't want to fight anymore, but we caused each other enough pain already. It needs to stop.

I know you don't think of me half as often and half as thoroughly as I think of you. I hate you, I love you, I wish things had gone differently. I made mistakes, absolutely. But really, it was a matter of overreactions. Things got blown out of proportion. I lost a good friend during that mess, and I thought I lost my chance at love too, but in the time between then and now, I grew a lot. More breakups and tears and friendships and great memories than I could ever hope to have all had you in the background. I didn't affect your life the way you affected mine, and I'm grateful for that. I caused you enough distress by just those three words. You helped me through some awful things and were there for me when I came back from them, and I thank you for that, but it's time for me to move on.

One bracelet, four relationships, three years. All of my middle school years and one of my high school ones. I deserve better, someone who gives me the time of day, and you deserve someone who doesn't pine after you for years.

I want to be friends, but I never want to date you. Not anymore. You're not mine, never were and never will be. I just want a second chance as friends. I want to love you in a better way for both of us and everything that stood in our way before.

<143, Forever,
Me





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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

nikki-la This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 29, 2010 at 6:12 am
This is really great, honestly. Keep writing, you're fucking amazing.
 
NeverClarity replied...
Jul. 31, 2010 at 8:56 pm
Thanks! :)
 
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