True Friends, True Colors

July 27, 2010
When they came ice skating, my two big sisters who just so happen to have different parents from me, I was working as the skate guard, so I only got to watch them from a distance. I smiled as I watched them attempt to ice skate.
Corey was clinging to the wall with both hands. She had no control over her feet, which were spreading out and causing her legs to split. I imagine Robyn was cursing at the skates for not staying still, the wall for letting her bang into it, the ice for being too slippery, and me for asking her to come. That was one of those moments when I realized how much I love them for being, well, them.
They’re both beautiful, separately and together, inside and out. Robyn has auburn hair, perfect skin, and, well, the younger, small-chested me is somewhat jealous…if you get what I mean. Corey is adorably fun-sized (she’s going to yell at me when she reads that), blonde, and adorable. They’re unconventional. They’re the best.
When they’re together, I can see how much they love each other and how much they love me. We were talking about boys at the last sleepover, and Corey said, “Guys like girls who love themselves.”
With that, Robyn laughed out loud and replied, “Well, then, they won’t like me.”
Corey looked at her and then threw a pillow at her. After that, in all seriousness, she said, “Stop that. I like who you are.”
Later that night, we were talking about Corey’s friends at school, and Corey said, “The kids there are kind of unreliable. I can have fun with them and stuff, but I can’t talk to them about things.”
Robyn said, “You can call me, babe!” That was another moment where I felt warm and fuzzy inside. That’s love and it makes me happy! Then they had a discussion with each other to make sure they were giving me good advice about things. They love me, too.
They were there for me last Summer when my anxiety was really bad. They had seen it sky rocket out of the roof during my junior year of high school when I was taking really hard classes and having problems with friends. It’d been a rough year, and they knew that. I text-ed them everyday, several times a day, because I just couldn’t deal with my feelings of loneliness and insecurity. I wanted to cut myself, but I didn’t tell them that. I was afraid they wouldn’t want to be friends with me anymore.
“Babe, you should probably be in therapy,” Corey said.
“Kat, I love to help you and be there for you, but I think you have some things to work out that I can’t help you with,” Robyn said.
It hurt my feelings for some reason that they were telling me this. It made me feel vulnerable, but deep down I so badly wanted to go. I knew I needed to talk to someone. I just thought I didn’t deserve it because my mom didn’t think I needed it. However, they convinced me to go, and I’m so glad they did!
I decided to join group therapy, as well. I thought it’d be nice to talk to other kids about my problems and hear from them. One week, my mom had to cut out of her work day to pick me up so she could bring me to group therapy. She drove me all the way there, and then she had to turn around and get me five minutes later because I had had the day wrong. I, in fact, didn’t have group therapy that day.
When I got in the car, my mom said through gritted teeth, “I am SO angry, Kathryn.”
I took it has, “You made a mistake, but I expect perfection and mistakes are unacceptable.” I’d been talking with my therapist lately about my mom’s way too high expectations for me as a kid.
I replied to my mom with an attitude, “Why?”
She THREW her cell phone across the car and SCREAMED, “Why? WHY?! I’ll tell you why. I had to cut out of work to drive you to yet another therapy session because your life is just so horrible.” She threw nasty insults at me for the rest of that fifteen minute car ride, and I cried for hours. Then I called Corey, who definitely had her opinions. I text-ed Robyn, too. They convinced me that there’s nothing wrong with being in therapy and that I shouldn’t listen to my mom.
Months later, I told Corey and Robyn about how I’d wanted to cut myself but I never did.
Corey smiled sympathetically and said. “I know.”
Robyn said, “Honey, you should’ve told me!”
Their love is unconditional. Even through my worst moments, when I’m drowning in self pity, or when I get defensive and have an attitude with me, they still love me as their little sister. Always.
Last week, while Robyn was in England and Corey was packing to visit her boyfriend, I decided to go to Best Buy to buy myself the third season of 7th Heaven on DVD and a new video game. I mean, how often do I buy myself video games?
I ended up bumping into this random guy and he said, “Hi.” He just looked at me and smiled.
Who is this guy and why is he talking to me? “Sorry. What?”

He chuckled. “I said hi. What’d you think I said?”
“Uh…I don’t know. I just thought you knew me from somewhere or something.” It was hard to understand his strong, Jamaican accent.
“You’re beautiful,” he said. “Don’t ever forget that.”
Whoaaaaaa. Now that made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I blushed and probably got this big goofy smile on my face. I can’t remember. I couldn’t feel my face. “Thanks!”
Then he started flirting with me. This random guy started flirting with me! And he asked for my number! Me! Not some hot girl. Wait a minute. Does this mean I’m officially a hottie?!
I had planned for moments like this before, moments where hot guys hit on me.
“What’s your number?” a cutie would ask.
I’d smirk and say, “Well, what’s your name?”
At least I thought that sounded witty. But this time I couldn’t even think. He asked me how old I was and I had to think about it. Uhh…my friends are 21. Maybe I am, too? I couldn’t talk like a normal person. I couldn’t think. My brain was melting. I mean seriously. I, of all people, was getting hit on!
I said no, thanks. I mean, I didn’t know this guy. He didn’t know me. I’m going away to college in the Fall. He’s going to Jamaica. It wouldn’t have worked out. But hey. I wonder how many other boys think I’m beautiful.
I text-ed Corey immediately and told her. She replied back, “…Was he creepy? You didn’t give him your number did you?”
When I called Robyn and told her she said, “You didn’t give him your number, did you?”

I laughed and told Robyn, “It’s so funny that you asked that. Corey asked the same thing.”
“We think alike. We’re best friends.”

I smiled. Yeah, you are. You both think to look out for me, too.
Robyn lectured me about how I should I only take a guy’s number but not give him mine because it’s not safe. Then we talked about weddings and how she wants to get married in her twenties. Then she lectured me about how I shouldn’t, in fact, wait until I’m thirty to get married because babies born later are more prone to birth defects. Then she lectured me some more about healthy relationships.
They’ll probably lecture me in the Fall about being myself while I try to make new friends, and they’ll lecture me next Summer about cheap motels and which ones to stay in if I go on a road trip with my cousin. They’ll be there when I get my first boyfriend, telling me not to have sex too soon and to do it safely. They’ll be the first ones I call when I get engaged, and they’ll be walking down the aisle behind me as my bridesmaids. When we all have families, they’ll give me advice about childrearing and we’ll all have dinner parties.
Next week they’ll read this and tell me how wonderful our futures together will be, but that no one knows for sure if we’ll be together. Regardless, I’ll still love them, even if we’re apart. They’re keepers.
I want to take a picture with them watching the sunrise. In an ideal world, that wouldn’t be ridiculously early in the morning. We’d have our backs to the camera, three best friends watching a perfectly good sunrise. It’d be the beginning of a new, beautiful day, and the beginning of a new, beautiful sisterhood.

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singergurl12 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 29, 2010 at 2:50 pm
thats a really beautiful story- my best friend is exactly like that. great job- you really know how to put things to the right words!
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