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I'm Me This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

I’m used to it by now. How couldn’t I be? The looks, the sneers, whispers you’ve thought I couldn’t hear. Well, I could.

Of course I know I’m different. I’ve lived with myself my whole life—shocker, isn’t it? I would have to have much less intelligence than I possess to not realize how estranged from others I really am.

You pass snide remarks about my clothes. I apologize that I haven’t worn the “in” clothing that you always do, which tends to cut off your circulation. But if it’s popular, and it’s pretty, you decide it’s worth the discomfort. I never thought so.

My mind—it must run on a different station than everyone else’s. Maybe I’m like Bella. I’m on FM while everyone else is on AM. Or maybe I’m just not tuned into the radio at all.

I don’t feel the need to speak the way you do, laugh the way you do, flirt the way you do. I see a guy, and I may note if he looks cute—nothing more. I feel no urge to run up, giggling and flashing to him, and start picking on him in a way that somehow is supposed to indicate that I like him.

Sure, I’m more intelligent than most, perhaps all of you. I can’t help it. I don’t like it. That doesn’t change anything. But the intelligence isn’t really what matters. Yes I thought so, for a while. But there are others who are intelligent, and they get along just fine…no, that’s not it.

It’s me. I see the world differently than you do. And I like the way I see it. I’m not about to change my views because of some of humanity’s strange notions.

Why do you cover yourself in those foul-smelling chemicals and pastes, that make you look more like a piece of art than a human being? I simply don’t see the appeal. You look down on me for this. I really couldn’t care. Must I make my curly brown hair curlier? My bright brown eyes more vivid? My long, dark lashes more emphasized? I don’t see why. I look fine the way I am.

I talk funny. That’s what you always tell me. I talk like an old person. Not really. Just because I choose to use larger words, am I incomprehensible? Doubtful. You just want something else to tease me with. You’ve got it.

No, I’m not a teacher’s pet merely because I answer the questions you seem too busy to care about, or because I speak to them after class occasionally. So what if I’m a writer? It’s really none of your business.

You know what? I used to care. I used to cry. I cry not only when I’m sad, but when I’m angry, did you know that? Of course you didn’t, you never cared enough to find out. But I don’t cry anymore. If my eyes are over-bright, it’s because I’ve just gotten an idea. One that you’ll never have. Or maybe it’s just because I’m comfortable with myself—which is more than you can say.

So I’ll keep my strange clothing, my strange views, my unadorned face, my way of speaking. And if you don’t like it? Too bad.



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This article has 53 comments. Post your own!

A.Dreamer said...
Jul. 30, 2010 at 8:33 pm:

I like how this venting turned out to be so well. It. Is. A. Masterpiece. <= Oh yes, it is.

The individuality shown in this piece is amazing, I love the fact that you're fine with being yourself and not someone else.

Round of applause, LEXIE DID AN AMAZING JOB ON YET ANOTHER PIECE! :D

 
gymbabe This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 30, 2010 at 8:38 pm :
Hehe thank ya Angie:DDDVenting=masterpiece.  Who woulda thunk it? Lol.
 
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BeautifulRescue said...
Jul. 29, 2010 at 11:09 pm:
It's very to the point. Almost like a thought process. I love it :) I know many of the feelings you describe. It is not easy to be different, but once one comes to terms with oneself, then it is possible to find true happiness. (haha, I sound like a fortune cookie)
 
mypoorback This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 29, 2010 at 11:21 pm :
Lol, don't worry, I won't hold it against you:D And it is like a thought process, my thought process:D This person is me.
 
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BaLd4EvEr said...
Jul. 29, 2010 at 5:48 pm:
I love this! especilly the part about the radio... beautiful!
 
gotchalk This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 29, 2010 at 5:54 pm :
Thanks!  Haha yeah that was one of my favorite parts too.
 
SweetChoco71 replied...
Jul. 29, 2010 at 5:59 pm :
Hey, you asked to read one of your stories and I did and well, WOW! It's so true, I can relate to it.  Amazing :) Chocolate Rocks!!! :D
 
gotchalk This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 29, 2010 at 6:06 pm :
Thanks! :D  Yeah, nonfiction is often pretty relatable.  And I love chocolate too<3
 
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Thesilentraven This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 29, 2010 at 11:57 am:

I'm glad you simply accepted that you're different. It's tough, but following the crowd while your heart's in a different place is worse. I think, really, everybody is different; they just pretend to be otherwise. Your desire to remain yourself is what sets you apart.

I've been similarly excluded, maybe for different reasons though...

 
gotchalk This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 29, 2010 at 4:29 pm :
Thanks! I'm glad you were able to relate:D  Although, while my acceptance may also set me apart, I really am different. I don't know why, my sister isn't, I'm just....well, don't want to overuse the word, but I'm different than other people.  I sincerely, honestly believe that my mind works much differently than other people's.
 
BeautifulRescue replied...
Jul. 29, 2010 at 11:48 pm :
And tha's what makes you interesting. Conformity is boring.
 
mypoorback This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 29, 2010 at 11:54 pm :
Haha thanks Shannon! :D
 
Healing_Angel This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 2, 2010 at 4:59 am :
Exactly. BE YOURSELF!!!! If people don't accept you for your personality, they aren't worth your time (and that includes friends as well as boyfriends). I can totally relate to all of this. I learnt that lesson the hard way. I love this article!
 
gymbabe This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 2, 2010 at 8:35 am :
Thanks! :D
 
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