June 22, 2010
By Anonymous

Cal, you are forever covering my mind with a cold and damp drape. I can’t fathom a day without you and for that I have a binding hatred for you.

Time with you is a walk through salvation, but an eternity in damnation. I wish my mouth wouldn’t water at the mere thought of you again and again. Because getting rid of you is lighting my soul in an agonizing fire and crushing my body. Making me vanish before everyone’s eyes.

You tamper with beating heart, willing it to stop. You play with my will to live, chipping away at it slowly bit by bit.

I’ve known you as long as I can remember, but the day I saw you as an enemy was a day of enlightenment I wish I never lived. It was also a day I fell into a bottomless pit that I refuse to believe has no end.

Please leave, but stay with me. I don’t need you now more than I ever have, but god I want you. Please slowly die like I have, but live with me forever.

The author's comments:
I used to struggle with an eating disorder for many years. 'Cal' is short for 'Calories'. I wrote this in the when I was deep in my destructive habits, and this is what I thought of calories at the time.

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This article has 1 comment.

Felicia GOLD said...
on Jul. 20 2010 at 3:46 pm
Felicia GOLD, Chandler, Arizona
18 articles 0 photos 63 comments
its beautiful and very personal

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