Dear Diana,

In the middle of the afternoon and your body is lounging across our couch, I tell myself that your napping. We all know the truth though. we all know that your not napping.

Alcoholic. When I think the word, I don't think of you. I don't think about my twenty-seven year old sister. My beautiful sister. The word brings a lonely, lifeless, loser to mind, not you. I can't seem to process you as an alcoholic. But i can't look you in the eye and say that your okay, because your not.

I'm afraid of you. I'm afraid for you. When you drink, emotions dissapear, maybe that's why you do it. Does it make you feel strong? Untouchable?

You make it seem like it's not that significant. like this is a minor detail in your life, like a birthmark or something. It's not. A birthmark isn't life threatening.

Your in the Hostpital right now. You're alcohol level was at 0.3. You have to have a level of .08 to be legally intoxicated. You could have died Diana. Does that bother you? Do you care? I do. The nurse said that you tried to kill yourself, that anyone with an alcohol level that high must be suicidal. Is that true?

I can't sleep anymore. it's three-thirteen in the morning, and I'm thinking about what it is that could possibly make you want to take your life away. Mom thinks she's a failure. She hates herself for what you've become. I hate myslef for not seeing how miserable you really are. Nobody saw it.

You know those bug lamps, that zap the moths and Mosquitos when the come near it? I always wonder why they do it. Why would they risk their lives for that light? That stupid light? Maybe they can't help it. Maybe, once they see it, they can't help themselves but to bring themselves closer and closer to the glow of the light, it may seem magical and exciting to them. Once that moth sees the bright light, maybe all it's worries goes away. Is that why you drink Diana?

Diana, I hope you know that we love you too much to see you hurt youself like this. We act like we're angry with you because you don't respond to symathy anymore, because alcohol has you under a trance, like your some stupid bug posessed by a lamp.