Curiosity

June 7, 2010
Looking at the sun knowing that if I looked to my side I would see the most wonderful thing, my crush. He didn’t know he was something wonderful but I did. Every second I was with him made me feel like nothing mattered.

I wanted to ask him so many questions but I didn’t know how to start. When I imagined myself asking him, goose bumps would arise from my skin. I wanted to approach him and say, “Pardon my curiosity, but I want to know every detail of your intimacy, if you believe in destiny and what things make you laugh and cry. Don’t think that I’m trying to invade your privacy. We know each other but this luck of anxiety is killing me. In the day I think of you, at nights I dream of you. I would give anything to be your owner. Talk to me about yourself, tell me who your. Let me know in what ways you get bored. What makes you happy? Who made you suffer? I want to know everything about you. Tell me your fears. What are your dreams? Don’t conceal anything. Everything interests me if it’s about you.

Pardon my curiosity but I only want to know more and more about you. Before I met you I had never felt this need. That way of kissing has been able to provoke this curiosity. Tell me what you think about eternity. Do you prefer water or soda for dinner? If you like books, who’s your favorite author? Pardon my curiosity, I just want to know everything about you.”

Looking into his eyes my whole body felt overpowered. Once caught in his beautiful face I was hypnotized. He likes me; he just doesn’t know it yet. He was in my dreams way before I knew there was a “him and me.” I can’t wait to see him smile when I wake up each day it makes it worthwhile.

Was this feeling possible? I was afraid to say I was in love. Looking at him I knew this was the moment to tell him how I truly felt. But my biggest fear, rejection kept pulling me back. At the moment I opened my lips to tell him he interrupted me. He beat me to it. Surprisingly he took my hand and told me the most beautiful things I had ever heard. He wanted me as much as I wanted him.

With both our hands connected I could feel his soft skin; I did not want to let go. This feeling was unbelievable. Was it real? Although I felt myself in the clouds, something was pulling me back, fear. He came closer to me pulling me as he approached. I wanted to be there yet I didn’t. What was wrong with me this was the moment I’ve always dreamed of but I was scared.

As he hugged me tighter and tighter I slowly pushed him away. His face confused and surprised looked at me with disappointment. His eyes had a twinkle that made a knot in my throat; they were unbearable to look at. I said, “I’m sorry” and slowly walked to my car.

The next 3 weeks were terrible he wouldn’t stop texting or calling, he wanted to know why I had left him. I kept ignoring him. I needed to think. Two weeks passed after that and he had stopped texting and calling. I now wanted to know why he had stopped. I missed it. I knew what I wanted now. I wanted him.

I decided to call him, but came to find out his number no longer existed. I hadn’t seen him and had no idea how to find him. I gave up.

I decided to go to the same park where I had ended everything with him thinking to myself “you don’t know what you have until you loose it,” and yes indeed this was correct. Once at the park I saw a figure, it was he. I felt my blood rush through my veins and my heart pump fast. I wanted to run to him. But, he wasn’t alone, she was pretty, the girl he was holding hands with.





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