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Friends..Forever?

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I sat in my bunk-bed feeling nothing but betrayal,anger and pure pain rippling through my body. Today was supposed to be a good day.
Today I was supposed to remember as one of the best days of my teenage life.. a hike with my best friends..followed by what was
basically like a huge sleepover in a pretty nice youth hostel. Of course everything seemed perfect,until we all hopped into our bunks and
had a girly chat. Everyone was rambling and gossiping and with ten girls in one room,what else could you expect!? The worlds worst kept
secrets were pouring out from person to person. I wasnt in shock at any of them really, everyone sort of knew everything about everyone
at this stage. And then someone said it.. while my former best friend was in the bathroom with another friend someone had let it slip out..
The biggest secret there was to have. And it was about her.. I looked around the room..hoping someone else would share the look
of pure suprise that was displayed on my face,but nobody did. All of a sudden everyone was staring at me, and I couldnt think straight.
This news,this unexpected secret about her, and everyone was staring at me? I couldnt imagine why.. and then it clicked.. everyone else
in the room knew and I was the one, the only one, who was kept in the dark.

Last summer, this would have never been the case, we were best friends. I told her everything,and I assumed she did the same.
Then something happened.. I'm not quite sure what. All of a sudden we began to drift.. I'd call,and she'd already be gone out.
I'd try and talk and I would be given short answers,blunt answers. After a while we couldnt talk much anymore without feeling awkward.
The pain i felt then was immense,I had never lost someone that close to me before without actually losing them. I didnt understand
what was going on. I acted as though it didnt bother me of course. After all,she seemed just fine without me,so couldnt I be just
fine without her? It was difficult.We sat together at lunch every day,sometimes right beside eachother and we wouldnt say anything to
eachother. I began to feel more alienated from the entire group then. All of a sudden everyone seemed to know things I didnt. To have
jokes I wasnt included in and plans i wasnt invited to. Months went past, and I started to feel better,I was sure the alienation was brought
on by my growing distrust in the belief that "friends forever" really exist. It was I who did this to myself,I imagined most of it,I was sure
of that much. Almost certain,until that night.

I turned over in my bunk as my face sunk into the ghost of my former perky self. I hadnt imagined it all.. they really were keeping things from
me..who knows how many secrets?. I fought the urge to cry, because now I really felt alone. I have never felt more alone than I did in that room with
9 other girls whispering about what had just been said. I was sure,though my back was now turned to most of them, and my face hidden under
a duvet, that they were still staring at me. I could feel the eyes burning. My saviour finally came,just in time. A teacher popped her head into our room
declaring lights out. Now they could no longer look at me,though i could still hear the whispering.minutes past,which felt like hours, when a friend
snook over to my bunk and hopped in. She apologised for leaving me out,she said "we were told specifically not to tell you". This made me feel worse.
Of course,I found some comfort in her being there,hugging me,telling me she was sorry. "it was months ago.." she continued. "it was a difficuly job keeping
it from you". I didnt believe that. but,I wanted to,I wanted to feel like they all wanted to tell me,but were being loyal. Even though loyalty hasnt come into the
equation in our circle of friends in a long time. She stayed with me for a long time. comforting,chatting,trying to make me feel better. In a way she did, she is one
of my oldest friends,and it showed me something important, old friends stick around if they're good friends. I'd still jump in front of a bus for the girl who kept
everything from me. Just because she stopped being my friend,doesnt mean I'll ever stop being hers.





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ReneetheGreat This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 10, 2010 at 12:30 pm
This is so good! I feel exactly where you were that night, I have been there many times before. I loved the way you brought your emotions into it, it was really inspiring. I have lost so many friends before, I've heard the murmors, felt their whispers, and I promise you it gets better! One day you find people that will hug you no matter what! And I LOVE that last line, it made the whole story worth telling! Great job! You should check out my story, "Damnation of the Innocent." Its fairly similar... (more »)
 
carolina43 said...
Jul. 10, 2010 at 9:59 am
i know the felling. when i had that problem all my friends would get mad at me for staying with them and being the best frind i ccould be.
 
bluegrl95 said...
Jul. 7, 2010 at 7:23 pm
i have a group of "friends" that did that to me too.
 
RridLeR replied...
Jul. 8, 2010 at 8:58 am
I'm sorry to hear that..it's really a horrid feeling.
 
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