“Time to wake up, Camille!”
The one lonely light pierced through my puke-green sheets.
“what’s going on?” was my only response. Last night was just a dream, it couldn’t have been real. I assure myself trying to convince myself. As the rest of lights are turned on, my eyes adjust to the brightness in the room. Two beds, both in the ugly puke-green color. Three walls are white, the other a light blue. The middle aged, overweight black women thugs at me sleeve, breaking my thoughts, she signals me to sit outside my room.
“Camille, I’ll just be taking your blood pressure.” She continued, explaining the system. It’s Camila, I correct her, in my head. Why cant anyone get my name right? I question.
The black woman, rolled up my sleeve, and put a gray strap around my arm. She started to press the black ball, making the strap around my arm tighter and tighter. Took a closer look and wrote down a number on the clip board.
“You can take a shower there.” Pointing at the colorless doors. Three doors, all next to each other. Steam coming though two of them, the last one on the left open wide. I grab a zippy cup, towels and “shampoo” disposed from a large bin on top of a cart. The shower is a small room with a curtain on the opposite end of the door. A rectangular drain going from left to right. A camera right on top of me, black and circular. I inhale deeply, my breath shaking. My tears have been threaten to fall since the night before, that dreadful night. The pain I had was too much to handle. The tears I saw, made me feel like a monster inside. I could see my mom’s eyes puffy from all the tears she had cried. My heart felt heavy, knowing all that. The peace I was looking for, became too short. My mom’s memory quickly escaped my thoughts.
“Shower” I told myself. Inhaled, Exhaled.
I stripped off my clothes. Careful not to leave I ton the floor. I stepped into the wet cold floor underneath the shower head. I pressed the cold metal button in front of me. The water come rushing out of the shower head. The water didn’t seem to have any warmth to it, at all. As the water hit my skiin, the tears rolled off my eyes. In 24 hours my life changed so much. So much confusion, fogged my mind. M y thoughts swirled as the night before recapped it self in my head once more. The images, flashed through my mind. One after the other, suffocating me. My own head, my own actions betrayed me and my loved ones.
“How could I have been so stupid?” I asked myself as the water hit my skin. It felt like little daggers stabbing through me, and my already scared skin. Oh, how it stung. The wound fresh and red. The water waking up my deepest emotions, Making sure I could no longer escape them. No one can escape them here.
The water turned off, signaling me my turn was over. The clothes laid on the floor. I quickly dried myself and put them on once again. I walked into my room. As I was about to sit on my disgusting bed, the intercom decided to interrupt me.
“Everyone, time for the community meeting.” I knew what that was. When everyone got to sit in a big circle and talked. Because we don’t do that enough here. We talked about problems in the “community”, permissions, and we get to introduce ourselves to everyone else.
My heart, was drumming in my ears. My hands shaking. I have never been there before. I only heard it from my “peer-buddy” the night before. The one that helps out any new members to our “community”. As I stepped through the gray door, I saw no familiar faces. They were all speaking among themselves, talking about who knows what. As I sat down, the adult in the room among the teens spoke up. “Time to do introductions, and as you can see, we have some one new,” she said pointing to me
“Go on sweetheart. Introduce yourself and your reason for being here.” My breath shook as all eyes were on me. All 10 eyes were on me. The words I had never spoken before came out of my mouth. The words I never thought I would ever say came out,
“I’m Camila and I am I attempted suicide.”