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Were sitting in my room after school, hanging out. When I finally got the courage to ask her the question I had been dieing to ask her for a long time.
“Are you one too?” I ask, wonder clear in my voice.
“Yes.” As I hear her say those words, my heart feels like it wants to explode!! Just knowing that another person is feeling the same way as me, it’s such a relief! I thought I was all alone. But now I know differently.
“When did you first think you were…..you know.” I ask, still slightly embarrassed to say it out loud .
“Lexy, it‘s okay to say it. But to answer your question I have thought I was for a couple of months. When did you first think you were?” She asks, usually I hate when people answer a question, and then ask one of there own at the same time. But because it is her, I think I can forgive her this once. She is so cute when she smiles like that.
“I have thought that I was….” I swallow hard, trying to scrape up the courage to say the word that I now label myself as.
“…. a lesbian for a while. But I have known for sure for only a couple of weeks.” I say, and I am surprised that it actually wasn’t that hard to say that one simple word. Maybe because I am excepting it more and more as time goes by.
“What made you sure?” She asks, though I think she already knows the answer.
“You, the day I first saw you sitting in that classroom. I took one look at you and I knew all the feelings I had been having lately were real. You made me realize that I couldn‘t ignore the feelings any more. Because around you I don‘t want to ignore them.” I say in a rush, then I clamp my hand over my mouth, realizing what all I had just said. That I had admitted to her what I felt, that I wanted her, in more ways then one.
I look up in shock of what I just said, waiting to see what she was going to say. But instead of the words that I was expecting, all I was met with was her smile, and then seeing her slowly lean in towards me.
Over the next couple of weeks, we become close. Really close. People think that we are new best friends, but what they don’t know is that we have become so much more than simply friends.
I was happy, we were happy. Everything was perfect, or at least that is what I thought, before reality came crashing down on me, suddenly and painfully.
“Stop, I can’t do this anymore.” I hear her say, I stop and look at her, confusion clear on my face.
“What? Why? I was just…..I thought….”
“I’m not talking about that. I am talking about us in general. I can’t do this anymore.”
“Can‘t do what? I don‘t understand, I thought that…”
“Your right! You don’t understand anything. Get it through your head. I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to be together anymore. It’s over.” I can feel the tears forming in my eyes. She has never yelled at me like that. And I couldn’t understand why she didn’t want to be with me, I thought she loved me!
“What? I thought you loved me! You said you loved me! How could you do this to me? I gave you everything!! Why are you doing this?” I say, my voice cracking with the tears that I didn’t care I was shedding.
“It was just a phase. I‘m over it now. It‘s over, we‘re over.” She says, with no emotion in her voice at all.
I can feel her words tearing my heart into a million pieces. I can feel the pain of her words shoot right through me. And before I can say another word, I’m watching her walk out the door.