With all my love;

Dear Family,


I know we are falling apart and I don’t understand why. I am only 18 and this should not be happening. You are supposed to be here for my wedding day and the rest of my forever. And yet our close bond is broken by money and other petty shit. I realized that in my last 18 years of life I have seen the tear the most. The women in our family have absolutely no relationship and we do it all for men. I am not stupid and can see how no one gets along, but yet there is a curse on our family making us pretend like conflict does not exist.


Grandma married three times and always chooses them over her daughter, which led to my damaged mother. And my uncle was only brought into this world because a man promised her security which only gave him problems masked by drugs. And I know that Grandma’s lack of motherly instinct only lead to my mother finding love in other ways, mostly by violent men displaying their love with abuse. And me I got one of those dead beat women hitters as my dad; I thank god he is never around. And I am not saying I am perfect, I know I put a block between me and my mother but it seems like we are always stuck in between a rock and a hard place with everything we do. I shoved her away by using my boyfriend as my shield and the only way to escape. I know she will never understand but after seeing the abuse that men left on her leaving her alone and bitter makes me only run faster before I become her.


So family I am telling you to stop faking it; I am not a little girl. If we are going to be f***ed up be f***ed up because bottling this shit up is leaving an imprint on me. An imprint that family is not where the love is and home is not where I should be. I don’t want to be like the rest and yet I already am. I don’t want to treat my children like you have yours. And Mom I know you tried your hardest but simply it is not your fault; it is our blood lines fault. You’re the only one I can say I truly love. But I don’t want to have to say good-bye but you guys leave me no choice, please change.
<3Always B.





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