I'm alone

May 21, 2010
By , East Palo Alto, CA
Cold nights, under my blankets, with worthless tears and a pair of scissors, were the only things that I could trust. Just watching the sharp scissors press against my skin and watching a line of innocent blood trickle slowly onto my bed. I wasn’t crazy and I did not have mental issues, I just would have rather hurt myself than have someone else hurt me. I went through broken hearts and two innocent deaths that impacted me greatly, and also family issues with my faithful friends. I knew I was doing something wrong but pain was all I ever felt. During most of my sophomore year of high school, no one knew my dark little secret, except  my innocent blood and the murderers with the name of “scissors”. The truth was that I did not have the guts to face the real world alone. I felt ugly in the mirror reflection of myself. When I saw the tender and fragile scars on my innocent skin, I felt perfect.
   
Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, but my secret kept going. Then one day, my whole outlook of life changed. It was a Christmas morning of the year 2008. I was working at the theaters and I was ripping tickets at the podium. A customer came up and saw the scars on my arms. She handed me the ticket to rip and raised up her sweater and showed me her scars on her arms too. At that moment, I knew that everything would be okay. I knew that I was not the only one facing the problems I had alone. We met up after work and it turned out that she felt the same way I did.

I ended up giving her advice that I should have taken myself. I stopped an innocent death and it felt good. I had someone to go through hours of tears with instead of shedding innocent blood from my body. It took two months with this girl who saved my life in order to stop my harmful ways of dealing with pain. In the end after all that pain and suffering, we made it together.

My experience taught me to stay strong no matter what the circumstances are. I am proud of making it through and meeting this total stranger who helped me realize things that were better ways of dealing with problems but I just did not open my eyes to see them. I am proud of myself because it has been two years since this happened, and I am stronger than ever. I know that I made it through that mortifying experience, so I can make it through anything that life gives me.





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B.R.Nack said...
Jul. 27, 2010 at 3:46 am
That's touching!!! I'm proud of you too!! That's awesome!!! :)
 
almac2010 replied...
Oct. 8, 2010 at 1:37 am
thank you.
 
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