I’m sorry I failed you. I know I should have tried harder but it was so scary seeing what was happening to you and knowing it could’ve been me. Who knew that you would leave and I would never see you again. I always tell myself that you’re just on a trip and I might see you again but I know that’s a lie and that scares me more than anything. Remembering about talking growing old with you and being best friends when we were old ladies makes me cry. I don’t know how I’ll face this life without you and I will always regret not showing you more love or listening to your problems when you were really struggling, but I honestly didn’t know what to say and I was very confused about what you needed. I knew you needed more than I could give you but I was afraid you would turn me in for the same reason. Whenever I think about the night you pulled the trigger, I wonder what you were thinking about. Did the people that you’re leaving behind cross your mind at all? I’m sure the ones that caused your pain did, but what about the ones that tried to love you more than themselves?
April 9, 2010