Anxiety

April 12, 2010
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I have decided to share my story publicly. For those of you who have had anxiety attacks, you may have had a similar experience to mine. I was born with aspergers syndrome, which my mom only told me recently. Everything made sense when I researched it, I understood why I was the way I am--- my feelings, why I had fit in, and so much more. I've gone through hell my whole life, just trying to live without stress. I've only had a few friends my whole life, and I've been picked on endlessly. I'm very sensitive as well, if I am called a bad name, I will often think about it for days on end, and I'll be very depressed.

Anyways, onto my experience. This was the most terrifying experience of my whole life. My mom and my sister were about to go out, and so my sister came in to ask me if I wanted to go. I said no, and then a very odd look appeared on her face. I looked back at her curiously, and she called my mother into my room. She commented on how dazed I look, but well, I felt fine, so I simply told her that. After that, I went upstairs to grab a book to read, but then I started feeling this ridiculous amount of anxiety come through me. I was terrified, and my heart was aching terribly. It was beating so fast that I thought I was having a heart attack, and I was having this burning pain. I limped downstairs and fell on the kitchen floor, and said "ambulance.. ambulance.. AMBULANCE!" I then started yelling at the top of my lungs, and my sister carried me to the couch. I was yelling, and screaming I don't want to die, no, no, I don't want to die. I was feeling this ridiculous pain in my chest. I was convinced this was the end, but I didn't want to die, I was so scared, I wanted to live. I kept yelling at the top of my lungs, and my heart pain worstened. Every moment was filled with more terror. I became drowsy, and figured that when I fell asleep, I would be dead at last. Could this be the end? I thought to myself. The ambulance arrived.. I was still in horrid pain which grew worse. I couldn't walk, and they strapped me down to this place as if I was a maniac. I certainly sounded like a maniac, I was yelling at the top of my lungs and I was terrified, screaming how I didn't want to die. I got into the ambulance, they gave me oxygen, and I lied down. I grew more sleepy, and I forced myself to stay awake. After what seemed like an eternity, I arrived at the hospital. My pain kept getting worse.. and worse.. and worse.. And after forever, the doctor came in, and I got medicine.

If you know anyone who has had an anxiety attack, take care of them dearly. They have truly gone through hell, no matter how far the severity is. I've had so many anxiety attacks in my life, and all I can say is that it's changed me dramatically. What I hope is to see people who have anxiety attacks gain more sympathy from others, because it's really not easy to deal with.





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