What's wrong with me?

April 20, 2010
By , cincinnati, OH
That is one question many teens ask about themselves everyday. And even though I consider myself seperate from your stereotypical teen, I still can't help to succumb to certain feelings. Feelings of not belonging. Feelings that I'll never belong. Feelings that I'm ugly, stupid and pathetic. And these feelings are brought up daily by my brothers friends. They hang out at our house so much I'm thinking about asking them to pay rent. But if I actually did that, they would probably look at me and think "Why is Dereks weird sister talking to me?" And hey, asking them to pay rent would actually be kind of witty I think. But instead of going for a girl with wit and personality, they would rather swap her for a girl with size 2 jeans and a bottle of peroxide.

It's not like I have an interest in any of them. Because I Don't!! But it definately takes a toll on my self esteem when I walk into a room and none of them even give me a passing glance. I'm not a size 2. I'm not blonde. I wear glasses, and yeah, I'm a little tall. But I'm still a person damn it. I'd like them to treat me like one and actually talk to me once in awhile. Ask me how I'm doing, how schools going, Something! But no. Nothing. Ever.

I see the girls they bring over. The girls who are small, cute, look like they put thier makeup on with a paint roller, have enough hairspray in thier bleached hair so that it's tornado proof, and have half a brain. And while I sit in my room reading my fantasy books they are all downstairs in my basement cackling like hyenas, watching idiots make idiots of themselves on some dumb show like Jackass. At least in my books the plain jane always gets the guy. I've never even been kissed!!! And wheres my Edward Cullen? When is he going to come strutting through the door looking all sorts of fine? Why can't fantasies ever turn into reality? Oh wait, I know why! BECAUSE THEY ARE FANTASIES!.

I always say experience is one thing you can't get for nothing, meaning someimes you have to dig through the bad to get to the good. But I've been digging through the bad for so long my hands are bloody stumps. So when I finally reach the good it better be in a giant box wrapped in beautiful paper with a huge friggin' bow at the top. AND I WANT AN EDWARD CULLEN TO POP OUT AND SWEEP ME OFF MY FEET!

But I just have to keep my head held high and remember- To get a pearl, you must first get through the slimy clam. So maybe my brothers douchey friends are the clams. Maybe in my future there is a nice shiny pearl waiting. Maybe. Just maybe.

I hope.

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squeak said...
May 2, 2010 at 12:07 am

this is grate. i know how you feel, i deal with situations much lik this with my brothers friends.

good job and im sure you will get your Edward ;)

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