Nothing Gold Can Stay

April 6, 2010
I frantically awake to my alarm in an abundance of confrontation. I’m soaked in sweat and my heart is racing faster than Seabiscuit at the Pimlico Race Course. I don’t have to look far for an explanation once I notice Cops has been playing on my television. Relieved, I look out the window; it’s almost pitch black outside. I immediately grab my phone from the charger and notice that I have four missed calls- Pete, Tim, Annie and Mollie. I don’t quite know what to think; I haven’t received that many calls from my friends since the summer. I check the date and realize that it’s the Friday of Thanksgiving break and everyone’s back from college- tonight is going to be insane.

I force myself out of bed to get ready for the nights festivities. I find my parents lounging in the living room watching the New York Yankees like every other weekday night. I’m pretty sure my entire family has converted from Disciples of Christ to devout Yankee fans because God knows that it would be sacrilegious to believe in both of them. After returning Pete’s call, he tells me that the re-union is at Annie’s house, the same place we used to gather back in high school. I offer to pick him up from his house and go from there.

On the drive there it begins to hit me. I haven’t seen most of my friends in almost three months. While they’ve been away at school, I’ve been living at home with my parents going to a local community college. Questions bombard my mind as the music fades away and for the next 10 minutes; I try to picture how the night will go. I’m not worried, after all these are my childhood friends and that automatically guarantees a good time.

We show up at Annie’s house an hour late like always and head straight for the basement. Surprisingly, there’s a lot more kids than I had expected, but the first person I meet eyes with is Mollie (my ex-girlfriend). She looks over and smiles at me. Hesitant, I smile back as she looks away. “That was awkward”, I exclaim to Pete. He laughs and tells me not to worry about it. But I do. I take a second glance, and notice her with her arms wrapped around some random guy that I had never seen before. My heart drops to the floor like a bag of opened Skittles. As I try to compose myself, I hear an obnoxious chatter.

I look behind me and see a kid with a flat brimmed hat and a sweatshirt with three massive Greek letters across his chest. It’s Tim, who’s easily the loudest one in the room. As I walk over he notices me and immediately announces “the party has officially started!” I commiserate with Tim as he tells me how he’s pledging a fraternity. He tells me so many crazy stories about his pledging initiations that I actually begin to question my own manhood. I wouldn’t consider myself a viable candidate for the Greek life, but out of all my friends, I begin to see that Tim fits the mold. He asks me how I’ve been doing. I reluctantly reply back, “Same old, just going to school, working and staying in shape.” What a jaded response. Sadly, it’s the truth; nothing exciting really happens unless I’m out visiting Pete at his college, which is only once a month when I’m not working or doing school work. He responds with an offer to come visit over the weekend- three and half hours away. I take him up on the offer and the conversation dies.

I walk over to a very promiscuous looking Annie. Promiscuous because this was the innocent girl in high school that had never had a piercing in her life. She never died her hair anything but the strawberry-blonde she was born with and never wore jackets because they were “too much of a fashion statement”. Yet, there she was standing in front of me in a black leather jacket and a lip ring. She doesn’t look gothic by any means and the lip ring actually looks good. As for the leather jacket, I’d have to agree with the old Annie that it is a bit too much. However, I realize that she doesn’t seem all that different. She’s still the same girl I knew before; only more liberated. I ask her when she got her lip pierced and why she decided to do it. She tells me that it was something she wanted to do; she didn’t care what people thought of it. I told her it looked good- not like she cares about my opinion.

I spend the rest of the night walking around the party like I’m the only one there. I chime into conversions sporadically but they usually involve some sort of college experience I can’t relate to. I begin to question what I want. Only then, do I realize that it’s a little bit of everything I’ve seen in each one of my friends. I want to find someone I can be comfortable with. I want to be that friend that gives key advice, even when if I don’t believe it. I want to feel independent and enlightened. I just need the right opportunity to grow. It’s at Villanova; I just need to find it.





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livefastdiefun said...
Apr. 21, 2010 at 9:28 am
Please comment on this essay! I need opinions!!!
 
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