Always and Forever

“How could you do something like this to me?” A thousand thoughts were running through my head, all asking him how he could do something like this. I couldn’t stop crying, and he wasn’t saying anything at all. I waited a while before sighing loudly.

“It’s not true, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I swear on my life that I would never, ever cheat on you. Why would you believe Kelli? She’s lying to you obviously. She only wants us to break up so that she can try to be with me. I won’t let her. I love you. Emily, please believe me.” Patrick sounded truly sorry, and I didn’t know who to believe. I should be able to believe my own boyfriend, right? But not when I’ve heard so many rumors. I just don’t know who to trust. Not now at least.

“But why would I hear it from so many people Patrick? Just why? I don’t understand this. I can’t handle this right now.” I cried, and hung up the phone. I threw my phone down on the bed and buried my face in my pillow. Sobbing, all I could think of was my choices. I could break up with him, but I really didn’t want to. A few minutes later, I picked up my phone and sent a text to Kelli’s best friend, Kristy, asking her what had exactly happened with Kelli and Patrick. I felt ashamed to be prying into someone else’s business, but in a way this was my business too. I feel like I just had to find out the truth.

I picked out my journal from my bookcase, where I write all my thoughts. I wrote today’s date, October 5th in the right-hand corner. I started writing out everything that came to my mind. I wrote about how pissed I was, how betrayed, how hurt. I couldn’t feel anything, my heart was numb. Inside, I felt as if my heart had shattered into a million pieces. Thinking about this whole situation made it worse, but I needed to talk about it somewhere, which was why I wrote it down.

My phone vibrated from on my bed. It was Kristy, finally texting me back. I wiped the tears from underneath my eyes, stood up, and went to sit on my bed. Picking up my phone, I read the text. It said that Kelli never liked Patrick, but that she always thought Patrick had liked her. I still couldn’t believe my eyes. I called up Patrick and told him what Kristy had just told me.

“She says that you liked Kelli, and that Kelli didn’t like you. But yet you still went out roller-skating with her, and to the movies, and you didn’t even invite me once. I know we weren’t dating back then, but the least you could have done was invite me, even if I was busy.” I said angrily. At least I’d stopped crying.

“Look, I’m sorry okay? I didn’t mean to. I didn’t know what I was doing last year, I was stupid, and didn’t realize that I could lose you, and I don’t want to now. Why can’t you just-”

I interrupted him. “Just what? What do you want me to do? I expected you to tell me everything, I thought that’s what a relationship was for. I can’t even trust you…” I whispered that I still wanted to be with him, but I didn’t know what to do at the moment.

“What? What did you say?”

“Nothing. It’s just…never mind.” I replied. “What does she have that I don’t? Honestly. I don’t understand how you can tell me you love me and have seen something else in another girl a year ago that you still haven’t told me about.”

“She goes to my school, Emily. Other than that, she has nothing. You’re a lot prettier than her and a lot smarter. But I swear to God, I only liked her for a week, freshman year. I stopped liking her when I found out that she smokes pot and drinks, and that she wasn’t the person who I thought she was. And you are. You’re the only person I want to be with, and maybe ‘liking’ Kelli was a bad idea. I’m sorry I can’t control my emotions. I really tried not to. I don’t know what it was about her…I just did. But now, I’m sorry. I don’t even talk to her anymore and I liked her for just a week! It was only a week, Em…” He sounded like he was truly sorry, and I was starting to feel bad that I yelled at him.

“Okay, Patrick, I understand that you liked her for only a week. That’s not a big deal. The fact is, you lied to me. And you’ve lied to me before too, not just this. You lied to me about those girls Jordan and Kara too. Well yeah, that was a whole two summers ago, but still! I can’t trust you. Once a liar is always a liar.” Those words came out of my mouth faster than I could think of them.

“I’m sorry…Emily you don’t know how sorry I am. and I promise, there’s nothing more that I lied about. I swear on your life. If you stay with me, I’ll show you that I’m not kidding and that I really do love you. But the only way that I can show you, is if you trust me enough to stay with you. I want to make this work…please. We’ve been together for over ten months…just, please.” Patrick was starting to get emotional, and I started to feel even worse.

“We can try. I know, we have been together a long time. If you show me how to trust you, I’ll stay with you.” I was beginning to forgive him. My mind said not to forgive him, but my heart gave in. It always does.


* * * * * * * * * * *

That was over four months ago. It’s been four months, and I’ve forgiven him. Our one year anniversary together was over a month ago, on January 8th. We were both so happy the whole day, and I know I couldn’t imagine myself with any other guy. These past four months have been tough, trying to work everything out. It seems like for a while, we would fight every day. Through it all, he would tell me that he loved me, each and every day, even when we fought. I used to question whether or not he loved me, but lately, I’ve sure been seeing that he does.

It’s hard to cope with Patrick going to a different school, and me not getting to see him as often as other couples see each other. We’ve learned to deal with it, and we try to hang out as often as we can. I always have looked forward to being with him, whether it’s for a day or an hour.

Throughout the fighting and tears shed, I’ve learned. I’ve learned not to live with regrets, and he has taught me that, along with many other things. He has taught me just how to love a person and that is something I will never forget.


Patrick came over my house a week or so after Valentine’s Day to exchange gifts. He came to my house, and I told him to come into my room. I hugged him tightly, and told him I missed him.

“I’ve missed you too, baby.” He replied, whispering it in my ear and holding me tightly.

I sat down on my floor, and he sat behind me. Patrick handed me a green bag, telling me to open it. “Happy Valentine’s Day,” he said.

I smiled. “Thanks.”

I opened the bag slowly. Inside were four things: chocolate lollipops, a Pandora box, something he made in his Digital Electronics class, and a piece of paper. He took the piece of paper out of my hand, opened it up. It was a poem, I could tell. He took a deep breath. “I’m nervous.” he said quietly.

“Don’t be nervous. It’s alright. You can do it.” I reassured him.

He began to read the poem to me. It was wonderful, it made me so happy. After he was finished, I turned around to face him, and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

“That was beautiful. Thank you.” I smiled, and he smiled back at me.

“You really like it?” Patrick asked me.

“I love it!” I replied.

“Open up the rest,” he urged me.

I took the Pandora box, opened it up, and carefully took out the burgundy tissue paper. Slowly, I unwrapped the tiny square charm that was hidden inside the wrapping. Inscribed on the scroll were the two words “forever together”. I smiled, yet again, and turned to look at him. He had a smile on his face as well, as if he could read my mind.

“Awe, I love it, thank you so much. It’s so pretty. Wanna go get my bracelet on the bureau?” I asked him.

“Where is it?”

“On my desk, right on the jewelry stand.” I pointed towards the black stand which held all my earrings, bracelets, and necklaces.

“Oh, okay.” Patrick grabbed my Pandora bracelet, unhooked it, and placed it in my palm.

I took the lock off of my bracelet, and slid the charm on. I replaced the lock to its old place, and asked Patrick to put on the bracelet. He did so, and I turned it to look at the charm.

“Thank you,” I said. I started to smile, but he kissed me before I could finish smiling.

I then picked up the item he made in his class at school. It was made of red wires, and was crafted to say, “I ? U”.

“It took me forty-five minutes to make. I just thought it would be cute to give it to you, especially on Valentine’s Day.” He said, almost blushing.

“It’s sweet of you, thanks again for everything. I love the poem, and this,” I said, holding the red wires, “ and my charm, and my chocolate lollipops…you know how much I love chocolate.” I stuck my tongue out at Patrick.

I stood up, went over to my bed, and lay down with my head and feet hanging off my bed. “That black book on my floor is yours.” I told Patrick.

“What book?” He asked.

“The one on the floor…the black one. It’s right next to my laptop.” I waved my hand in the direction of my computer.

“Oh, okay.” He said. He grabbed the black book, sat down next to me, and opened it up. I could hear him, but I couldn’t see him because my head was hanging off the bed. “Awe, Emily…I love it.” I could tell he was smiling, even if I couldn’t see him.

Inside the black book, I put pictures of us together and wrote one hundred and fifty reasons why I love him. It took quite a few months for me to put together the whole thing. At the end of the twenty or so pages, I wrote him a letter. I told him what to do when I get mad, what to do when I’m upset, and to never give up on me.

I told him to read the rest of the book at home. He closed it, and we went downstairs and used my computer for a while, until it was time to bring him home.

He held my hand for the whole time in the car, grabbing it tightly while still holding on to his book. I squeezed tighter, and knew he wouldn’t let go. When it was time for him to get out of the car, I got out too, moving to the front seat. I stood in his driveway. He asked me for a hug, and I immediately hugged him. In my ear, he whispered, “I love you…” I gave him a quick kiss and whispered back, “I love you too.” I smiled, and before getting into the front seat, looked back at him. He couldn’t see me, but he knew I was smiling.
* * * * * * * * * * *

Two days later, I got a text message in the morning.

“Good morning beautiful :)” it said. I replied to the message, and Patrick and I texted for a few hours while I did things around the house.

Around eleven, he asked me if I wanted to hang out. I said yes, and I rushed to get ready before his mom came and picked me up. I had to straighten my hair, eat, do my makeup, brush my teeth, and get dressed in less than two hours before I had to leave. I always rush, but it always ends up being very much worth it.



After being at his house for a few hours, we decided to lay down on his bed. He suggested reading the book that I made him. I read some of it to him, and then we decided to be silly and read every other word to each other. It was funny, just being able to bond with him like that.

I lay down on his chest, being able to feel his heartbeat.

“Why is your heart beating so fast?” I asked.

“Because I’m with you, remember? My heart always beats fast when I’m around you.” Patrick replied, smiling at me.

“Oh, right.” I said, smiling back.

He looked at his computer, and brought up the music player. “What would you like to listen to?” He asked me.

Without any careful thoughts, I replied, “You pick.”

He scrolled down to the end of his music library and picked out a song. I soon realized that it was our song, Your Arms Feel like Home, by Three Doors Down. As I was listening to the lyrics, my throat tightened as I cried to keep in tears. “Why am I crying?” I wondered. But I couldn’t stop.

As soon as Patrick noticed I was crying, I wouldn’t look at him.

“I don’t want you to see me crying, it’s horrible.”

“Emily just look at me. Look at me for two seconds. Please.” He said.

Patrick touched my chin, lifting up my face.

I sort-of laughed, and said, “I know you don’t want to see me cry. I’m sorry.”

“I know you don’t want to hear this, especially when you’re crying, but you’re so beautiful even when you’re crying. You really are. No matter what, you’re so beautiful.” Patrick said while looking into my eyes. He was starting to make me cry even more, but they were all happy tears.

I turned away but he grabbed my hand and told me to look at him again. I did so, and he sighed, twice.

“Emily, will you be forever mine?” He asked me, rubbing his fingers over my hand and keeping his focus into my eyes.

Of course, I started to cry even more. “Yes,” I said, with more tears running down my face.

“I love you.” He told me.

“I love you too, Patrick.” I said back. This was when I completely figured out that it was meant to be, and I knew this kind of love would be the kind to last forever. Although we are only in high school, him saying that to me made our relationship so much stronger. I can trust him now, with everything. After all, you can’t love someone you can’t trust. I’ve realized that through many things, and I’ve realized that I really do love him, and I will always be his.





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