I tried to run today. I haven't ran in so long. Ever since my lungs started hurting I haven't been able to run. I was scared when it first happened. I was always such a great and fast runner. I have so many certificates and trophies from winning first place in track. These memories blurred my head and made my eyes water. Today while I was running I felt like I was going to fall. My lungs ached after only a minute and my heart was beating so fast that I could see my shirt move up and down. I told myself that I could do it. "Keep Going". I said this over and over. Finally I collapsed on the concrete ground. Tears stained my face. I was hurt. I was hurt because I couldn't run anymore. My body was holding me back. I searched through my bag for my quick releif inhaler. I took a puff of the medication and just swallowed my heartbeat. I sat alone and I felt alone. Why was I the one chosen with this medical condition? Asthma takes all my energy and I hate holding myself back. I puffed the second dose of medication and stood up slowly. I guess this is life now. Just two years ago at the age of sixteen the power of having energy and certain physical activities were stolen from me. It's hard to fight off sicknesses now. My body is weaker on the inside and it takes away some of my confidence. I look up at the sky and sometimes ask God if I did something wrong to deserve this. Then I remember that I'm still breathing, still smileing, and I have my family here with me. I don't know what will happen in the future. I pray every single day that as I get older my asthma will get alot better and I get it under control and that I can run again like I used to. It's scary to not know what the future holds. Sometimes life's unexpected but right now i think I'm ok.
I Try To Fight This. But My Body Holds Me Back
March 22, 2010