Is it over yet?

March 18, 2010
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I come from a broken home
makes it sound like someone dropped it
and it shattered
and it don't matter
to you
and everyone who is just like you
because the cracks in the walls
broken glass on the floor
stand for something more
something you will never know
cuz its to a peaceful home you go
everyday
with your mother and your father
who stand united
your family is tight and
I will never know
what my life would have been like
if he had taken the time
to think about whats mine
because of him and his anger
I grew up quickly and was always in danger
but you don't know what that means
because you sit and you judge me
never taking the time to think
that maybe you don't know
maybe you aren't right
maybe just this once
you are wrong and I can win this fight
but at the end of the day there is something you don't know
I am who I am and that something no one can throw
because of him and what hes chosen to be
I have not been able to see
that its me who its important to trust
me who's decisions on which i need to focus
and at the end of the day
it doesn't matter that he ran away
it doesn't matter that he showed us off
like he raised us like he was there for us- as if
it doesn't matter that he hit her
doesn't matter that he just cant stop
hurting us punishing us- was it our fault? no it was not
but that is how he works
that is what he does
I don't have a father, someone who gives me endless love
he just stands there
only thinking about what might help him
not paying attention to the boundaries
crossing them to pull us apart limb by limb
so you sit there and think I'm being over dramatic
try to make me feel like your being sympathetic
but before you make your decision
and you pity my explanation and its precision
take a look at his list of things to do
cigarettes and car are still there without fail
but supporting me, his daughter, is the one he just cant nail
I will never be of importance it will never cross his mind
to think of who I am and who I will become
but that will not stop me on my way in this life
I will turn away from where he stands in the corner with that knife
the one he hurt me with so many times
as he tried to make sure I'd be anything but fine
I am done cowering in the corner only wondering at my past
I will look at the future and the shadow it will cast
on me and my purpose, who I know I will become
and to the endless amounts of his abuse to which I now am numb
its getting late and everyones asleep
the phone rings and the officer says hes calling from the police
station and im so confused
is everything ok? G-d please tell its not bad news
but he cant speak with me he cant tell me what he has to say
so I wake her and let her take this one and I stay
I start to shake and I feel my legs giving way
so I sit on the bed and I silently pray
it seems so familiar this danger his actions have brought
and I breathe and I think and I try not be distraught
she calmly explains what this game he plays is
and it seems as if he understands from what I hear she says
she hangs up the phone and silently shakes with tears
"can I get out of bed?" he says in a voice beyond his years
"its gonna be ok, stay right where you are"
I glance out the window and imagine theres a shooting star
I shake my head and focus, shooting stars can't save me here
I close my eyes tight and blink away those tears
they dry their eyes and say good night
and I slowly walk, slip I might
but I make it here to where I sit
i'm tired, i wonder how is it still like this?





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