I know I’m not supposed to, but I’m just too tempted. And I eat too much, and I’m on a high for a second. But it ends so fast, I don’t even get to enjoy it. I’m instantly filled with regret, and I know I have to get rid of it fast. Close all the doors, and turn up the music. Shove that toothbrush down my throat and I’m cheating my way to happiness, I’m just so sure. But I can’t do it too loud, cause’ you’re on the other side of the door. Now my nose is running, and my eyes are crying, but it feels so good to get rid of it all. But the funniest thing is that while I hold my own hand and get rid of it all, I know who I’m doing this for. I’m just doing it for you. Just to make you shut up, so I won’t get blamed anymore, just so maybe you’ll have some regrets. That’s all you told me, all you did was turn and blame me, only if you knew. I just want to tell you to f--- off. And now even though my stomach is swirling and my throat is hurting, I couldn’t feel any better. Cheating my way to happiness and I’m getting away with it. Doing the right thing is just so much harder and with your voice going on and on, I just can’t get you of my head. So maybe I’ll throw it up instead.
March 12, 2010