Internal conflict too much to bear. Sometimes I dont know if what i see is really there. I cant explain why but i always forfeit right in the begining.I know i am sinning when i cut my wrists but its just what i do i cant take any risks if i try to stop myself suicidal thoughts start to creep in. So its better to scar myself than to kill myself. So the lesser of the evils is what i pick but, like a brick it adds on to my already weak back. One by one they stack up high. I start to tremble,stumble slowly predicting when i will fall. With all my might I still stand tall but disgusted looks and nasty glances of the wounded i see around me they all are hurt but hide it in within themselves. They too suffer from my disease internal conflict. But, they are in denial so when they witness it they are in shock and immediately attack me because they secretly feel the same way. Instead of trying to comprehend they want me to pretend I am happy like them. Sorry i am counting down your time left here until your last draw until you finally see your cruel end.
March 12, 2010