I Want to Be Beautiful

The horrific sound of my alarm pierces through the emptiness of my room, shattering my dream of sunshine, rolling waves, and tan bodies. Today is school. Awesome. 6:00 AM. I didn’t want to continue to sleep or anything. If it were a few weeks ago, I would have immediately rolled out of bed and ran straight to the bathroom to put on my face. This includes mascara, eyeshadow, eyeliner, cover-up, blush, and lip gloss. This can be a time consuming process, especially if one may be a perfectionist like myself. Most girls are when it comes to their appearance. After applying my makeup, I probably would have heated up my hair straightener and closed the iron claws on the first layer of my thick hair while the rest lay clipped to the top of my head, to await their turn at being transformed. Then I would have put on deodorant and applied spray to add a little extra bam to my freshness. Lastly, I would have started going through my clothes. What to wear what to wear today. I wore this yesterday. Will I get more compliments in this purple blouse or glittery tank top? I already paired this shirt with these pants last week, so this outfit is a no go. Uh Oh which shoes should I wear today? Eventually I would have settled on an outfit, giving me time to grab my bag and bolt out the door. I probably would have made sure to grab a nutrition bar to shove in my mouth right before class as breakfast. Not anymore. This person disappeared weeks ago.

Traveling back to the present, I decide it is time to get up and greet the day after hitting the snooze button what seemed like a million times. I glance at the clock and realize I have about twenty minutes until I have to be in the car on my way to school. Is this shirt clean? I put it on. I wore these pants two days ago. No stains. Smells good. I only wore them for a few hours on Tuesday anyway. I put those on. Time for the bathroom. Brush hair and put on deodorant. Downstairs for breakfast. Waffles with a ton, scratch that two tons of butter. Don’t forget syrup. After breakfast, back upstairs to brush my choppers. Then I waltz out the door, perhaps adding in some cool flips, or attempted flips seeing as I can’t do as much as a summersault. I relax into my car to find I am ahead of schedule.

Every girl and boy should feel confident enough in themselves to have an unhectic morning routine. However, society has created standards that make it difficult for a person to be happy with who they are. Magazine ads scream the way we all should look. Girls are expected to have a face caked with makeup, the latest clothes of hip huggers and other often revealing items, and shoes that leave blisters to remind them of the pain they had to endure to achieve perfection. Boys are thrown colognes they absolutely have to have or no girls will ever like them, various acne creams because it is not allowed for them to wear any type of makeup in today’s world, and the latest trends that exceed the cost any item of clothing should cost. I don’t know about any of you, but I don’t like those ads or standards. Yes, I do know that companies will do anything need to sell their products, but they have created a monster. This monster only accepts perfection from a species that makes the most mistakes out of any.

Hello, my name is Jennifer and I used to be a makeup addict and thrived off compliments to feel better about myself. I used to only idolize those who exemplified what I thought was beauty. Either without a hint of fat or perfect curves in the right areas. If people didn’t have that body type, I expected every girl to have on makeup and I didn’t look down at others, but I regret to admit I judged them. I guess you could also say I was and still am judging those who conform to today’s standards and don’t. This often leaves me wondering which I should look like to be beautiful. All I want is to be considered beautiful. Then I figured out it doesn’t matter, as long as I am happy with who I am and what I look like. What anyone else thinks should be unimportant. However, everyone says that and it can get annoying to hear. I know now that the saying is simple, but the truth. If you want to wear makeup, wear makeup. If you don’t, rock it natural. You are still beautiful.

Hello, my name is Jennifer. I have ceased to wear makeup, because I want to have more time to get ready in the morning and to be confident with my natural self. I love to write. I am a book nerd and I wouldn’t want it any other way, but I am also a movie junkie thanks to my family. I am not a social butterfly at all. I often enjoy being by myself lost in my own thoughts. Those often include numerous escapes from reality. I am considered the quiet one out of a group of people. I don’t usually play video games, but I do like going to arcades to play racing games and DDR. I love to dance although I dance like a stereotypical white boy. Music is a big part of my life. It is how I get through the day and I would love to be connected to it in the future as a job even in a little way. I find that when I write I don’t make much sense. I jump subjects and go off on tangents. I often start on one piece of work and then start another and leave the previous unwritten. I often write about topics that are somehow connected to my life or personality. I often write of my insecurities. There are a lot more I could say about myself. Details that are unimportant and most don’t care to know. Some will never know, because they choose to not get to know me. I have come to see that it is not something to dwell on. The important thing to do is be who you are and find people who like you for you.

The thing to take out of reading this is to be happy with who you are. Beauty isn’t just outward appearance or even ones inner self. Beauty is looking in the mirror and liking the person you are. Cheesy but true. Oh and remember “Beauty lies within the eyes of the beholder.” There is always someone who will care for you for the person you are. I wish I had been told that back when I still wore makeup and cared what people thought of my looks, when all I wanted was to beautiful. I wanted guys to think of me as a catch. Back then I didn’t understand the true meaning of beauty. The true meaning of beauty is happiness. For now I am happy with my life and who I am, which is important to me. I may fail in some aspects of life and succeed in others. I am surprised that I am okay with that fact.





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