Rejected Lesbian

February 27, 2010
By , Stafford, VA
Dad said he hated me. It made my heart break, but I knew why. It was because of her-- my girlfriend. A strong anti-gay advocate, my father was furious at me for something uncontrollable.
It took a long time for me to come to terms with myself, let alone have anyone else come to terms with who I am. It was summer, and I was on vacation in Florida. I met some people who were more adventurous than I, and a girl kissed me. Better than any kiss my boyfriend had given me, stronger than anything I had felt with a man. That was when I first knew for sure. But in reality, I had always been different. When I got invited to beauty pagents I'd laugh and toss it aside, not have the prospect light up in my blue eyes. Warriors and trucks-- "boy's toys"-- always appealed to me more as a young child. And as I got older, I always seemed to fit better with the guys, as if I was one of them. When they fell in love with me, which was unfortuantly often, I brushed it aside.
So somehow this makes me a bad daughter, this little hormonal glitch in my brain? Some of the other problems I have apparently also make me a bad daughter. My cutting. My dyscalcula. My natural rebelliousness. Things I can't control, things present in my every day life. Dad never really encouraged my pursuits in the arts, but after I told him that I am a lesbian he completely withdrew from my life.
And the truth is, it's very hard to live without a father's love. Oh, sure, he puts on a show of it when I have friends over. But the warmth, the comfort in his eyes are gone. And the only question burning in my mind is why?

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This article has 5 comments. Post your own now!

DrowningPenelope said...
Nov. 4, 2013 at 7:52 pm
I'm sorry to hear this had to happen to you. People should be able to love whomever they want! Besides, homosexuality is a natural thing; gay couples even exist in nature (look at lions). I give you kudos for being brave and admitting your love to your girlfriend. It's horrible to live the rest of your life without confessing your love to somebody before losing them. I'm rooting for you!
Brittbyheart said...
Oct. 21, 2013 at 12:21 pm
I came out to my dad and was assuming he would do this exact same thing. I had prepared years for it, knowing inside that he HAD to know about me and my love before I went crazy. I came out to him, and he was okay with it. I only believed he was okay with it because he thought it was a phase. He has kept this a secret from the rest of the family, and still treats me the same. He still is a preacher and still follows the word of God, but for some reason, hating his daughter isn't part of the ... (more »)
FireandWater This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 15, 2011 at 9:10 pm

he doesn't believe the same as you.  that is why.  i know that he still loves you, but is just in shock of what is.

i am so sorry for you, for how you feel.  please know that there is a better way to find a place in this world.  God waits for you always.

WeLiveForOurScars This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 5, 2013 at 3:26 pm
I'm not sure if this was your intention, FireandWater, but your comment made it seem as if she has somehow done something wrong for being lesbian - that she needs to change for God or some other nonsense. 
daviesha said...
Mar. 14, 2010 at 9:48 am
I love this. I had the same thing happen to me it wasn't as extreme but I know how you feel.
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