I Always Will

February 24, 2010
By , linden, PA
I sit here and for what, so I can think of how many times you’ve hurt me before? Well I’m done with it!!! I hate the fact that all I do is think of you. I love you but the thought of you is getting old. All I can see in my head is a picture of you. I wish it would go away because you’ve hurt me so many times, the tears walk down my face as I think of you. This is the last straw there’s nothing left to beg for no matter what you think. I’m not bullet proof even though you seem to think that. I was a masterpiece before I cut myself because I thought I loved you but now it’s over and I can see I never really cared about you. All you did was put down my dreams, and even though I need you like a heartbeat.. .. .. It’s over and I’m done with you.

I try to forget you, but the thought of you lingers in my mind. I always thought we’d be together no matter what, but I was wrong. I stare at the phone waiting for it to cry out to me; sadly it doesn’t…. I need to hear your voice like a fish needs water. I feel empty inside because I remember when you told me forever and always, there’s another one of your lies I believed. I can’t forget you because my life was a fairytale when I was with you now it’s a living Hell. I hope that one day I will get over you, but until then I sit here and just stare into the dark and listen to my music. Music is my life and it helps me forget about some of the hurt I feel. Other times it reminds me of what we were, what I’ve become, and what I’ve left behind. And though the razors are sharp and the cuts that were on my arms were deep, I try to see the good in life; but it’s hard.

I try to believe that I am now a strong, independent woman and I don’t need you, and I will find a new “get-away”. But it’s hard to believe in something that you don’t want to believe in… I wish that the silence wouldn’t cut me anymore. I wish I could be reborn, like a baby. Even though my heart builds up walls to keep people out, you somehow keep breaking them down and tearing my heart out. For some unknown reason I see a light inside of you which I cant take my eyes off of. And though I realize that I love you like my own little teddy bear, I hate the fact that you’re in my life! There’s a part of me that wishes I had never met you and you didn’t hurt me like you did. But the other part of me wants you back and it will not rest until it can say you are mine and you can tell me I am yours, and really mean it. I love you… I always will.

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