Laughless

February 26, 2010
By readaholic PLATINUM, Tomahawk, Wisconsin
readaholic PLATINUM, Tomahawk, Wisconsin
27 articles 0 photos 426 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather fail because I fell on my own face than fall because someone tripped me up
~Jhonen Vasquez


We all get depressed sooner or later. Usually for only a week or so, hopefully not for longer. Most people get help.

I haven’t gotten help yet. Maybe because my situation is different. I don’t have a regular depression. I am undergoing the depression of an optimist.

I am the class weirdo. Actually, make that the school weirdo. I am interested in strange things, like certain colors and certain mechanisms. I also laugh. A LOT. And I have an…um…irregular laugh. Most people think I’m weird because I’m really different, but I could care less. That is, until it happened.

It struck like a tidal wave. One second I’m happy and fine, laughing at random things, and the next second…BAM. I am suddenly depressed. I knew it was coming, since I was completely aware of my current levels of stress. I am, if you haven’t already guessed, an optimist. It might be because I’m laughing half the time I’m talking, but I’m pretty happy, and being this happy, I’m more than willing to join every stinking activity at school. I don’t MIND it, but sometimes, it just grows to be too much.

Today was one of those days.

I had been depressed before, but not like this. I just stared at times when I would normally be laughing my pants off, and ignored anyone trying to make social contact. I still worked and went to classes normally, but everything besides my very basic schedule was ignored, including lunch conversation with friends. Well, former friends. Along with the multiple activities, friends were also causing stress. I wasn’t changing, they were. My best friend went from a fun-loving fantasy weirdo like me to a slightly-emo Twilight chick like my worst enemy. Don’t ask me how it happened. All my other friends are maturing, too. Just not me. I guess somewhere in 5th grade, my brain just decided to stay in elementary school. I’m still school-smart. Just not social-smart. Just ask any of my “friends”.

I’m pretty happy in the morning. I get up feeling energized. But my annoy-o-meter has been very accurate thanks to depression, so every time something goes wrong (aka, every few minutes) my mood gets a little worse.

So sometime in the afternoon, it gets to be too much, and the tidal wave comes back. My interest for laughter is replaced with constant staring. Half my mind is enjoying the darkness, the independence, the lonesomeness. Half my mind screams, “Get me outta here!!!”

People would ask what’s wrong. Most people know of my strange personality, and my cold, laugh-less stares were enough for them to fill with shock. They would ask me what’s wrong, and the dominant part of my mind would just stare. The other part would scream through my eyes, “Get me out!!! Help me!!! Right here!!!! Me!!!!”

But it didn’t work.

It still hasn’t.

And I don’t think it will.


The author's comments:
This is true. It is.

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This article has 15 comments.


on Jul. 27 2013 at 9:39 pm
readaholic PLATINUM, Tomahawk, Wisconsin
27 articles 0 photos 426 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather fail because I fell on my own face than fall because someone tripped me up
~Jhonen Vasquez

Yeah, it's all good now.  Honestly, I'm kind of embarrased to go back and read this stuff, because it feels like I wasn't even the person who wrote it :S.   Thank you!

on Jul. 27 2013 at 5:35 pm
bookmouse BRONZE, Chapel Hill, North Carolina
1 article 90 photos 251 comments
If it makes you feel any better a lot of people have a bad fifth grade experience. My middle/elementary school should have been infamous for it! I can think of at least four people ( just off the top of my head! I'm counting myself as one.) who had bad fifth grade ecperiences. For some of them their friends turned against them, they had problems connected to bullying or bullying began then. I hope that your situation is better now! (Mine is...mostly...)

on Jun. 4 2011 at 10:10 am
readaholic PLATINUM, Tomahawk, Wisconsin
27 articles 0 photos 426 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather fail because I fell on my own face than fall because someone tripped me up
~Jhonen Vasquez

I certaintly don't! ADOLESENCE FOREVER!! AND I PROBABLY SPELT THAT WRONG!!! YAAAY!

Luna1 SILVER said...
on Apr. 3 2011 at 7:10 pm
Luna1 SILVER, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
9 articles 0 photos 109 comments

Favorite Quote:
Bite Me

Does he really act like that? I wouldn't. who wants to be an old person?

on Apr. 1 2011 at 9:11 am
readaholic PLATINUM, Tomahawk, Wisconsin
27 articles 0 photos 426 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather fail because I fell on my own face than fall because someone tripped me up
~Jhonen Vasquez

well all my siblings are younger, but one of them acts like he's older.  i'm not being controlling, but when mom and dad leave me in charge, i have NO POWER and i can't do anything about it...

Luna1 SILVER said...
on Mar. 31 2011 at 10:20 pm
Luna1 SILVER, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
9 articles 0 photos 109 comments

Favorite Quote:
Bite Me

No. She abuses me. Waaaaaa waaa!!!! Xp But even then, were still close. Let me guess, it's the same thing with you and your bro?

on Mar. 31 2011 at 3:11 pm
readaholic PLATINUM, Tomahawk, Wisconsin
27 articles 0 photos 426 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather fail because I fell on my own face than fall because someone tripped me up
~Jhonen Vasquez

I have two brothers and one sister.  The brothers are, of course, annoying and crude.  Let me guess, your "other sister" is just as annoying as mine?

Luna1 SILVER said...
on Mar. 30 2011 at 8:39 pm
Luna1 SILVER, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
9 articles 0 photos 109 comments

Favorite Quote:
Bite Me

Yes actually!!! sisters. One cute one and the other one well..... well the other sister.

on Mar. 27 2011 at 5:56 pm
readaholic PLATINUM, Tomahawk, Wisconsin
27 articles 0 photos 426 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather fail because I fell on my own face than fall because someone tripped me up
~Jhonen Vasquez

Yeah, its weird, everything you just said i something I would say..Tell me, do you have any siblings?  brothers or sisters or both????

Luna1 SILVER said...
on Mar. 24 2011 at 11:45 pm
Luna1 SILVER, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
9 articles 0 photos 109 comments

Favorite Quote:
Bite Me

I found out we have A LOT in common. That used to happen to me in fifth grade, and it still happens now. All except I laugh at random times at nothing at all. And sometimes I feel depressed at the most odd times too, but at least there was some part of you begging to get out. I didn't even try. I really find it odd that we have so much in common.

on Jan. 5 2011 at 6:36 pm
readaholic PLATINUM, Tomahawk, Wisconsin
27 articles 0 photos 426 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather fail because I fell on my own face than fall because someone tripped me up
~Jhonen Vasquez

Thanks for your concern...I did talk a little bit, and I feel a lot better now...I wrote this a while ago so now I'm a lot better :)

on Jan. 5 2011 at 2:34 pm
Midnightflower, Wisconsin
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments
Have you ever tried just talking to someone about it? Not letting the cold-stare part of your brain dominate? I bet all of your friends would want to help.

on Sep. 16 2010 at 6:45 pm
PussnBoots GOLD, Tomahawk, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 138 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When life hands you lemons, make apple juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it." -Unknown
"The world is my pineapple. I just have to figure out a way past the prickly parts." -Me

Yeah, you'd be surprised what people miss...

readaholic said...
on Sep. 16 2010 at 6:28 pm
Thanks-this was the only way I could vent my feelings because no one really seemed to understand...but you do :)

on Sep. 16 2010 at 6:02 pm
PussnBoots GOLD, Tomahawk, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 138 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When life hands you lemons, make apple juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it." -Unknown
"The world is my pineapple. I just have to figure out a way past the prickly parts." -Me

Sometimes, even the most perfect smiling face is hiding unimaginable agony just beneath the surface. I feel your pain.


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