My Biggest Loss

January 13, 2010
By Anonymous

I will never forget the morning of Sunday, September 6, 2009, a day that changed my life forever. My mother received a phone call at three a.m. that her father had been rushed to the hospital unconscious. She did not wake me up to tell me about my grandfather, but let me sleep. My father told me later what had happened, and I waited for my mother to call. It was a very long, and nerve-racking morning waiting for information on my grandfather. I paced around the house very shocked and numb, worrying about my grandfather. How did this happen? My grandfather had fallen two days before, and everything seemed all right. I was feeling guilty about not spending enough time with him the last year. I had been so busy my last year in school that I had neglected our relationship.

You see, my grandfather has always been very special to me. Since the day I was born and had a stroke, he has always been there for me. He drove me to all my physical, occupational, and speech therapies. He was always there to pick me up from school when I was little. Our time spent together was always very special to me. I thought of all of these memories as I continued to pace, waiting for my mother’s call. Soon, the phone rang and I answered. My mother said, “John, you and dad better come to the hospital as soon as possible.” I felt my heart drop out of my chest and I had a hard time breathing.
My chest tightened up and I wanted to cry. I had not done enough for him. If I had been with him, he would have never fallen. The guilt was spreading over me like a wild fire.
My father and I talk about my grandfather all the way to the hospital. All those weekends I spent going out with my friends and going to the movies were flooding back in my mind. I had not wanted to be with him at Saturday night dinners. I never visited anymore on Sunday’s so I could be with my friends. My father sensed my guilt and reminded me of how much my grandfather loved me. I could only think of not having him in my life, and how long the car trip to the hospital had taken.

When we arrived I saw my mother, grandmother, and uncle, surrounded by many more family members. I feel the news will be very bad because I see the pain on their faces. My grandfather is in intensive care and my mother tells me, “He is unconscious and dying, but you need to go in and see him.” That walk to the intensive care unit was the longest walk of my life. My grandfather was pale and connected to many life-saving machines. I felt shocked and stunned to see him like that. He could not see me or hear me, and I could not tell him how much I loved him. He would never know how sorry I was for time not spent with him. I said my goodbye’s to my grandfather and later left, as my mother did not want me to stay. She did not think I should be there when they removed his life support. I left but was so confused on whether I should have remained or not. I still do not know whether I did the right thing, or if even there is a right way to react in this situation.

The next day, my grandfather, passed away at the age of eighty-four. My family is thankful that he did not suffer long, and is now with God in heaven. I am thankful that I always had him in my life since I was a baby, and that we were very close. He did many things for me and I never intended to take him for granted. I guess as he got older and I got older we did not have that much in common anymore. He was not able to play sports with me and spend time doing the things I liked. He was too old.

I have learned that death is hard, but what you do in life, for those you love, is what’s important. Never take for granted that those you love will always be with you. Life can change in the blink of an eye. I miss my grandfather very much but will always cherish the memories I have of him. I will continue to love my family members to the fullest, because that’s what my grandfather always did. He was there for everyone and always gave his time to others. I have learned a valuable life lesson about death and how to accept the changes that come with it. This lesson has taught me to never take for granted those you love. I plan to spend more time with my grandmother and my other grandparents that live out of town.

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