Should I have told him the truth? Seeing him in despair makes me want to cry. He doesn't get that he means so much to me! I just know that if I was in his place I would like to know the truth.I've been in that situation before, but I never found out the real reason. To me, it's like trying to see the sun through a foggy window...impossible. Does he know that it kills me more than it hurts him? I just pray that things will stay mutual between him and I even though I know,as much as it hurts, things will never be the same. He deserved the right to know what he longed to figure out, but maybe I should have put it in a differnt way. I question these thoughts even though they can not be changed. I miss him even though he is not gone, yet. I do not regret the past, I just wish I could take back some words, the hurtful one's that got us into this storm. My mind races of what could have been. It could have been amazing, indescribable, but for some odd reason I'm happy I did what I did. As I wipe the tears from my face I hear the dial tone and once again I take the soggy hot phone off my ear and pray for a miracle. Who knows what the future could bring, hopefully it doesn't reflect on the past. As I lay down and pull the covers over my head I scilently try to put the pieces together.
January 12, 2010