We're sitting in the driveway and I watch as thousands of emotions play a crossed his face, the radio is humming in the background, and all I can think is it's finally here this is the part where we have to say goodbye, just thinking about it had tears burning my eyes (and ser I never cry) he sits their watching me as the head lights from the cars passing by flash over both of our faces, I figure he's memorizing my face just like I am his running my fingers over his cheeks trying to get every single detail permanently etched on my subconscious. A hundred things are running through my head that I want to tell him, I love him of course, I'll miss him, and I’ll always be thinking of him, probably a sexual innuendo or 2 . He reaches a crossed the seat his dog tags clinking as he pulls me into his arms, my face buried in his neck I can still smell his cologne. I close my eyes tight and I can hear his voice in my ear as he whispers "Hey I love you, ya know that? I'm gonna miss you, I have no clue what I'm gonna do without you." I can feel the tears forming fighting them off I whisper back, " you’re gonna watch shirtless buff army men screaming up and down and they do pushups." He laughs as I knew he would. Then tilting my head up he kisses me on the lips, and I plead in my own subconscious to God, anyone, please don't let him go, please I’d do anything, but I say nothing knowing this will only make it harder on him to leave me already I can see the raw agony in his chocolate eyes as he tilts my head up, "seriously I’m always gonna be with you though always no matter where I am, no matter I'm always here<" he says pointing to my heart and I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes he reaches a crossed the seat and pulls me to him holding me as the tears streaked down my cheeks. He reaches up catching one,"Shussssh" he murmurs rocking us back and forth it's gonna be ok." I shake my head into his shoulder. "I promise." But what happens if we end up moving all memories in the house will be gone, I don't want the memories to fade it's gonna be so much harder if I'm someplace I haven't been with you." He's wiping away my tears again, "It's going to be ok," he promises kissing my forehead, my neck, and my cheeks. I smile into his neck "Look now I went and got you all salt watery." I laugh, he laughs to and it makes my heart skip. "It's ok I don't mind." Honestly it's moments like this that I love him the most and I will always want to remember just being together in my driveway. Sighing I lean a crossed the stick shift and rest my head on his chest listening to the steady beat of his heart. What am I gonna do without you? I think to myself. I've been with you almost every single day since October and suddenly I'm on my own again. Hearing the door open I can see my mom standing on the porch she waves and I know that’s its almost time I have to go. I lean over wrapping my arms around him, and he drapes his arms around my shoulder. We sit like this for a few min just enjoying our last night together. Then the moments shattered my mom calls from my front porch and we both spring apart and open our doors at the same time. I reach around and grab my purse he walks over and scoops me off the ground carrying me. "Thanks" I murmur into his neck. My mom’s standing on the porch laughing at us. "Why are you carrying her?" He looks at her seriously weight training, other guys use backs I get to carry ladies around. I smile into his neck as my mom lets us in. I kiss him good night one last time, one last look and it's time to go to sleep and get ready to face tomorrow we have less than a day left he leaves tomorrow.
January 11, 2010