Ripped Into a Million Pieces

January 11, 2010
By Anonymous

September 17, 2002, I was at First Baptist Academy in Ms.Shelby’s 1st grade classroom. We had just taken our chocolate pudding-spelling test and I got to lick the spoon. I never expected what would happen later that day. My life, in my mind was perfect and nothing could bring it down. Everything was going my way and that’s the way I liked it.
I shall never ever forget the day that my 6-year-old heart was ripped into a million pieces, my soul crushed by a boulder of two tons. I was picked up from school early by my Nana because my mom was not able to pick me up at 3pm that day. When I got home, I quickly finished my homework so I would be able to watch television before I went to ballet class. When I got home from ballet, I walked in the house. There was something eerie floating about in the air. I slowly walked into my parents’ room to tell them about my day, but I stopped at the door and quietly pressed my face against the cool wooden door to see if I could hear what was going. I listened and heard my parents arguing about something I did not understand. “Christine, I think its best we just get a divorce,” my dad said.
Divorce. The word was so sharp as if someone had just stabbed my ear with a knife. I did not know what it meant. But then it clicked. I remember my best friend Miranda telling me in kindergarten about how her parents did not live together because they had gotten a divorce. My heart stopped, I was breathing no more, I was silent falling down a pit with no bottom screaming, my heart out. “How could this happen?” “What did I do wrong?” “Did I not clean up my room or closet?” I had no idea how this could of happened to me. My mind racing, I knew I had to do something right then.
I burst into the room and quoted our bible verse for the week, Philippians 3:14. “Shut up Emma.” My father ripped the living soul from my body. I was filled with anger want to just lash out on this wretched world. I wanted to end my life right then, right now. “How could I go on with life if I do not have both of my parents?” “ Am I going to be put for adoption?” “ Will I never see my real family again?” What is a 6-year-old to do when she finds out her parents are getting a divorce? Stay calm and think everything is going to be all right? NO! 6-year-olds panic! We have no idea what is going! Its not fair to put all the pressure of a divorce on them! I could not find what I had done wrong, so I assumed something was wrong with me.
The next day at school, I was talking to my best friend Miranda about it. “Emma,” Miranda said,” You won’t be up for adoption. All a divorce is is when your parents do not want to live together anymore and they buy different houses and you go stay at both houses.” I had a short moment of relief. I was going to still have my family, but how was this going to work out? Who was going to take me to school and ballet? I was not about to quit ballet cause my parents got a divorce, oh there was no way, I had a passion for it and had been doing it since I was 2-years-old.
Soon enough, my parents finalized the divorce. My dad moved out and got an apartment downtown and we thought it was the coolest thing in the world. So at first, the divorce did not seem so bad. We kind of just went along with the flow. Having two homes was not so bad, it was actually fun. Two times the clothes, two times the toys, life was good.
But there was just one thing that itched badly under my skin. Christmas schedules. Christmases are the worst. You have to go to one of your parent’s houses before Christmas and spend time with that family for a whole week. Then you wake up early Christmas day and open presents and then go over to the other house, hardly anytime to play with our new toys, which is a big deal when you are a little kid. Then you have to spend another week with that family. It is very chaotic and constantly go, go, go, almost unbearable.
Through all the rough times of the transition of the divorce, I learned I had to focus on something in order for life not to seem like a blur. It felt like I was racing through time and nothing was getting accomplished. So to get life into something orderly, I gave my life to GOD. I got baptized later that spring at Tallowood Baptist Church. I learned that sometimes GOD could use some of the most frustrating situation to teach us some of the most valuable morals we will ever learn. I learned that if I give it all to GOD he can make life so much better, also that life is not going to end just because you hit a bump in the road, well more like a mountain! But the most valuable thing I got out of my parents divorce was that I put my trust in God’s hands more than I ever had. When I was little, GOD was just some magical guy who lived in the clouds and protected everyone. But now, HE is so much more than that. HE is my everything, and everything I do is in his glory. I know when I struggle with a problem or am faced with a difficult situation, I know now not to worry but allow GOD to take control. Even though when I first quoted Philippians 3:14 by myself I was told to shut up, but now it is my favorite bible verse and I constantly use it to give me hope, a hope that is promised by my loving father.

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