16 years and a broken heart

December 25, 2009
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Stage one, In love.

Totally known to the fact that I wont ever see him again, I know, I totally know.
Lying there on top of him, was like laying in a huge, open, free, breezy field of long corn and huge willow trees. I lay there, surrounded by grass and corn, buried in my deep thoughts.
A slight gust of wind hit’s the tip nose, and runs down my clothed body until it hits my toes. My eyes closed, the bright suns rays beaming down on them, my arms stretched out above my head, my legs flat on the soft, warm, grass, imprinting marks on the ground. A smile draws across my face, I open my eyes, I sit up straight. I pull my knees close to my chest and cuddle them tightly. I rest my chin on my knee. I think long and hard, still smiling to myself. I’m thinking about the long stalks of grass, and why the willow tree grew to become to tall, and just how beautiful this field is, and just why I had this soft, warm feeling as I stepped onto it, also why there was a certain warm, loved smell around.
I stopped thinking, my smiles grew, my lips parted, and I laughed. Loud and hard. Tears came to my eyes, and my hands rushed to my eyes to clear them, I flopped back down onto the ground , chucking my arms above my head again. I let out a huge sign and stretched out. My laughing slowly died, and became so quite. This isn’t real, its to beautiful, it cant be right! I closed my eyes and drifted far away from reality. Slowly and so carefully, I drifted further, and further away, perhaps even falling into a deep, un disturbed, peaceful sleep.
I opened my eyes, wide and fast, my breathing really heavy. I looked down.
He was there. Laying down next to me. Still as can be, his eyes closed, and a smile was formed.

Stage two, goodbye for now?

I miss you, I miss you, I miss you.
Times like these, I wish I can go back, hold him like my life was ending, kiss him like my world was exploding, and hug him like I don’t know what..
Most things seemed irrelevant, sounds I could not hear, sight I could not see from near, my deepest fear seemed as small as a grain of sand, he made the impossible, possible, and he helped me home!
Picked me up when I would fall, I love him.

Stage three, lost and still in love.

It hurts when I think about you, because you are not here with me.
So I try not to think of you.
It hurts when I think about the times he had together, so I don’t think about that either.
I hate you because your not here with me.
Its all your fault, I wish I never met you.

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