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Brown.

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I am a teenage girl, and everyone knows how we fall in love so easily. But I swear, this time it’s different. He’s got these dark brown eyes, you see.

I’m not going to lie to you, I was afraid of him at first. He seemed like a bit of a jerk, but once we all got to know each other, that seemed to lessen. He likes to pick on me sometimes, and I’m pretty sure it’s flirting. But this time it’s different.

He’s got these dark brown eyes, you know? I know people don’t usually pick brown as their favorite eye color in the opposite sex. Well, from what I’ve seen in those facebook and myspace surveys and whatnot they don’t. People like their blues and greens, and I’m going to admit it to you: I did too. Brown has always seemed so…boring.

But these eyes, man. They are a serious shade of brown. Every always thinks that “chocolate brown” is such a pretty color, but frankly, that term is way over used. And they’re not “chocolate” in any way at all. That may be because I’m not a huge sweets fan, but I promise, they aren’t “chocolate”.

When you look him in the eyes at first, you can hardly even tell what color they are. But the closer you get and the longer you look, you can definitely see the different colors. I know it sounds silly, but they’re more like…a fresh shot of espresso with the crema mixed in.

I worked at a coffee shop for a few years, can you tell? You’re just going to have to look up the term crema, if you care at all.

I know I sound like a silly, lovesick teenage girl, but this time it’s different. I promise. Because “love” is quite a strong word. I don’t want to use that word when talking about him. It’ll probably scare him away.

I don’t want to use it because it’ll scare me away.

He’s just got these brown eyes, and they really are beautiful.

My friends and roommate are pushing me and him to further whatever it is we have together, but I’m not sure if I’m ready for that yet. I mean, I would freaking love to further our “thing”, but I’m not sure if I’m ready for a change. Because this time it’s different, see?

And yes, I’ve done the dorky thing where I’ve changed my name to his.

Rae Klark just has a nice ring to it, though, doesn’t it?

I promise, this time it’s different.

And just because I’ve had my children’s names picked out for years, and I’ve been comparing the names I’ve picked out with his last name, doesn’t mean I’m a silly teenager.

But Charlotte Klark and Owen Klark are really kind of pretty, don’t you think?

Seriously, this time it’s different.

I’ve contemplated telling him how I feel. I’ve daydreamed about going to his room and pouring my heart out to him. And how he’ll admit his feelings for me, too. And how he’ll sweep me up in his arms and kiss me. But that’s just all of the Meg Cabot novels I’ve been reading playing in my dreams.

I’ve even mulled over (it’s different this time, please just keep that in mind) sending him a text. Just a quick, cut-to-the-point text to get it over with.

I jus think u shud kno, I rly rly like u.

Maybe I’ll throw in a few smiley faces, just to make it seem more…serious? Even I am not dumb enough or enough of a horrible speller to send a text like that, but a girl can daydream, can’t she? He’s just got these espresso-and-crema eyes that I’d be willing to do anything for.

His dad died a few months ago, did I mention? I know I’m just kind of throwing that out there, but I wasn’t too sure how to segue into this topic. And I pray for him every night. That’s got to count for something, doesn’t it? Because this time it’s different.

So, since I’m a stupid, in love teenager, I secretly read a couple of texts between him and our friend he went to high school with. She asked him if he liked me.

You know what he said?

He said yes.

How effing incredible.

You know what else he said?

He didn’t want to date me, because if we broke up, it would be too awkward.

You know what makes this time different?

Instead of crying, or trying harder to win him over, or moaning and groaning to anyone who would listen, I agreed with him. I have no idea what came over me, but I agree with him, and much as I want him, I think I can survive being just friends for now.

As my life-long best friend told me while we talked on the phone for the first time in a couple of months, he may just fall in love with me, too. (Yeah, I totally whipped the “L” word out there.)

And you know what? She’s right. If it’s not meant to be, what can I do about it? I tried that last time, remember?

Oh, well you don’t. But I remember last time. And I knew from day one that it wasn’t meant to be, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t try. That’s why this time is different. Because I’m not going to fight what He has in store. I just wish He would have those eyes in store for me.

You’d really just have to see those brown eyes to understand what I mean.

They’re freaking espresso-and-crema brown.

Beautiful, baby.

They’re beautiful.





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