Best Friends (But Not Forever)

December 16, 2009
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Have you ever felt the rush of adrenaline inside you when you have a new friend? Have you ever felt so happy that no one could bring you down? It's the best feeling possible.

I would know.

She was the first person I met when I moved. She was everything you would ever want in a friend. She was smart, loyal, funny, nice, and honest. I met her at school and she was assigned to be my bus buddy since we were neighbors. We became instant friends. Day in and day out, we would laugh and talk about school and random stuff like that. As a 2nd grader, I had no other cares in the world. I had nothing to worry about. I wasn't supposed to. We didn't have any homework or drama.

Unlike now.

She was upset when we weren't put in the same class in 3rd grade. So was I. How couldn't I be? She was my best friend and I didn't really care about my grades at the time. We both decided we would just deal with it, and just hope for the best for next year. We stayed close, but we grew apart just a smidge. We would still sit next to each other on the bus everyday and still played at recess. I didn't know that was going to change.

We were happy when we were put in the same class for 4th grade. We still sat next to each other on the bus, but we didn't really play with each other at recess anymore. We both became friends with others, so we barely hung out anymore.

In 5th grade we were also put in the same class. She was the popular girl, and I wasn't. I didn't really care though, because we were still close. Closer than ever, even more than we were in first grade. I hung out with her group a lot, but didn't know her friends very well. Some of my other friends got jealous because I was hanging out with them more. They thought I was just doing it for popularity. They were wrong. I became good friends with the other girls I didn't know very well.

But they turned on me. Something I said was found out by them, even though after I said it, the person I told agreed and swore to secrecy. Yeah, right. That's why she went off and told them the next day. I lost her trust that day, and she still hasn't gained it back. Along with that, I lost three friends that day. One of them, my best.

The day after, one of them apologized to me for overreacting. She forgave me for what I did. About 5 days later, my best friend apologized. She told me that sometimes people talk behind other people's backs, and any sane person has done it before. Eventually, the other started becoming nicer over time. Sometimes I wonder if they remember what happened.

Then we got into middle school, and we were not happy. We were put on different teams so we had no classes together at all. We didn't even have the same passing, so I practically never saw her. I was still friends with her, but I only was able to talk to her over IM or email. She told me about her life, I told her about mine. We talked about stuff. Stuff we didn't talk about in elementary school. All the while, my mind was thinking how we grew up so fast. We didn't sit next to each other on the bus anymore. Or at lunch. She had her close friends, I had mine.

Time passed and we didn't really talk anymore. In fact, we barely talked anymore. It took me a little while to realize we were drifting away, if not already. I wanted to go back to the past and relieve it one more time. I wanted everything back.

Have you ever felt like someone was drifting away from you? Have you ever just wanted to go back and change everything? It's the worst pain possible.

I would know.

I've learned that sometimes you just have to let someone go.
I've learned that people you know everything about can become people you knew.
And I've learned that good things have to fall apart for better things to fall together.

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