December 12, 2009
I wish that there were words that could explaine my feelings, Things that I could do or buttons that I could push to gain total control of my actions and emotions. Something that would allow me to prevent myself from emotional torture and agony. A way that I could stop time, step out of myself for a moment and scruitinize situations that I put myself in and look at the final result of every outcome I could make at that very moment. Kinda like in movies where at the end there are alternate endings and you as the viewer gets to choose which one you like the best. The pain one wouldnt save themselves from by being able to do so. But in the end I guess that if all these unrealities that I think of could be true then I wouldn't be me. I would never know the feelings of raw emotions, I would never learn from my mistakes, I would never be able to know the feeling of true love.. In order to love you must feel pain. If it doesnt hurt then you dont care, and if you
dont care then yo uhave no genuine feelings. Is a life with no pain worth never feeling love? If given a choice I wonder which people would chose. To never have to feel a broken heart, look into someones eyes and see disappointment, or to never have to hang your head in shame because you made the wrong decision? Or would they choose to feel the most intimate connection that you will never understand, see true joy in someones eyes evertime they look at you, or knowing that the smile on their face is only for you?

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