Something I Can Never Get Back

December 10, 2009
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A study done by the Center for Disease Control shows that 47 percent of high school students are sexually active. Only 11 percent become sexually active before the time they enter high school. I unfortunately happen to be apart of that 11 percent. Boys put tons of pressure on girls to engage in sexual activities that are detrimental to the girl’s health and well being.
During the summer of my 7th grade year, I was introduced to a boy named Will. I was instantly attracted to him. In my eyes he was perfect and he was my prince charming. He was sweet, caring, kind, and made me feel special. In my opinion, he was amazing. My parents hated him and told me to stay away, but I refused to do so. I began sneaking around and lying to my parents, just to see him. He was worth taking the risk of getting caught and being punished. The day before 8th grade started he said “I love you.” These three little words made me the happiest girl alive. From that day on I believed he was the one. Unfortunately little did I know, those three little words would be the beginning of a battle I would lose.
After he told me he loved me everything about him changed. He began to get more aggressive and began to pressure me into having sexual relations with him. My initial answer was no because I had planned on waiting until marriage, but after months of asking I could see he was becoming irritated with me saying no, so I finally gave into his request. I told myself it would make him love me more and it would make everything even better between us. He backed up my thoughts by reassuring me he loved me and would never hurt me. I worshiped every word he said, and believed all of it was true. A few weeks passed after this event happened and things had actually started to get worse. He began to be little me and put me down. Will started to manipulate me into doing all these things, I would not normally do. I had given him control of my life. I gave him the power to do anything he wanted. I was his doll. He controlled every aspect of my life. He had the ability to change me as a person, and I was living a double life no one knew about. I was a new person. I was a liar, cheater, and overall a bad person. Every time I would have doubts or try to break away and gain back my independence, he would reassure he loved me. Those three simple words worked like magic. After dealing with this unbreakable cycle for almost a year and a half my parents took authority and broke the cycle for me. They did everything possible. They transferred schools, changed my number, and even put me in therapy. They attempted to take away every tie I had to him. This was a huge struggle for me because I believed I loved him and I thought he loved me. After only a few days, I realized he did not love me. This was apparent because he no longer wanted to talk to me. His reason for this was because I was no longer letting him control my life. This revealed what a terrible person he truly had become.
When I reflect on this situation I think about all the things I sacrificed. I gave up my happiness, my ability to say no, and my ability to speak for myself. I lost all my self pride, my dignity, and self esteem. I no longer had any respect for myself or the people around me. I lost all the trust my parents had in me and went against all my morals and beliefs. The greatest thing I lost was my childhood and the ability to trust anyone. When I look back a feel stupid because I sacrificed all these things because one boy told me he loved me. In a year and a half I allowed someone to change me completely. Due to this whole situation, I now live with depression and everyday is a struggle. When I watch the news it is painful to hear about the girls who let boys control them. So many girls change who they are, who they talk to, how they dress, and how they speak to make the boy happy. Many girls do not realize how many consequences come along with giving someone so much power. Some girls die and others are lucky to survive. I was one of the lucky ones, who were able to break away before it was too late.
Being in controlling relationships and being pressured is a growing issue among teen girls. This topic is everywhere. It is in the news, magazines, and internet. There are phone numbers and clinics available for girls in need. With all these resources available, I am hoping some girl will have the strength to say no to a boy trying to control and pressure them. If I would have had the ability to say no, I would not be a statistic, but because I did not say no, I will always be apart of the 11 percent of girls who were pressured to be sexually active before high school.





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