I believe when I wake up in the morning, and smell the fresh sent of donuts, and hot coffee in the morning. It't the same routine ever day. My life goes through the same gossip people spread along through the hallways of deep depression.I can't see the people I believe to be special, but you can't just believe what you may or may not see.You keep praying to the same person everyday till you realize the pain doesn't go away it stays there no matter how bad the pain gets, it stays the from the time you wake up and the time you go to sleep till it goes on and on like the way the Earth spins. It goes in a circl the same way, it goes from the right to the right to the right to the right, and keeps going like your heart beat to the sun rise in the morning. Deep cool breath that just makes you feel relieved doesn't last as long as you really want it to, it changes back in forth back in forth. I realize now that what calms me down is thinking of my friend that I barely knew for eight weeks and two days, that died in a squeal of the night, that repeats the same pain, but makes it worse everyday. I don't always feel like waking up so I can keep dreaming till I can't cry anymore. Then I wake up and the good feeling goes away. All I want to do is lay in peace, and rest. Still breathing, not dead, still breathing softly, and smiling and dreaming of my friend every time I sleep at night. I think of the people I have lost over the years, dead or alive. All my friends that are now friendenimies, but at the same time it's like coping the same day like a movie that you can't get up because there is no commertials, and you don't want to miss anything that may or may not be as special as the scene before it, sad or happy, it never matters, becuase they are all emotions people feel everyday and every second and every breath and condinsation.There will be some people you may not like that just keep telling you what to believe till it feels like your being kicked in the head, and you can;t take it anymore and you burst. It still wouldn't matter. They're all emotions. Well, that's what I believe, but you may not. If you read this, take out a piece of paper and write things down like emotions you feel, and things you want to express that you think you have felt, seen, heard from people that you wanted or didn't want to hear, didn't want to read, but you did anyway, because some things never change.
Some Things Never Change
November 29, 2009