Dear Mum...

November 29, 2009
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Chapter 1
The first time I saw you, I had mixed emotions. You were so beautiful outside, but yet so ugly inside. People around me instantly liked you, but I couldn’t see what they did.
Your blonde hair was in a ponytail, your fringe resting on your top eyelids, your smile brightened up the room, whilst you wore dark colours, and the contrast was beautiful. You were no ordinary person, you were never who I thought you were. I couldn’t see how you were who I wanted so much to be, we were so different, but with a common dream.
I spent an hour with you, and grew more and more against you. It wasn’t your fault; enough time just hadn’t yet passed. I hoped you would change your mind about me; I wanted to feel differently about you. You held the key to my future, I needed you.
You told me I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t better than the rest. You broke my heart, crushed my dreams, and I never wanted to be near you again. After a year of being the best, the one people looked up to, came to in time of need, to being a nobody, changed my life, made me not want to work, made me confused and hurt, but a small part of me knew I had to prove you wrong.
The rest of the day I was so upset, angry, but most of all, scared. The way you dismissed me, who I was, just didn’t seem reasonable, you’d only known me for an hour. It angered me inside that you hadn’t given me a chance, but the upset showed on the outside, as if you wouldn’t see past the outside of me, who else would. You were there to make me the best, get me what I needed to be the best, but if you weren’t willing to do it, who else would? I was so frightened. It was the only thing I had ever dreamed of doing, and within a blink of the eye, you had taken it away. My future seemed to be over, seven years of hard work, for nothing, where else would I go? What else did I have?
I lay in my bed that night, and wished I never had to go again, hoped it would be different next time, prayed this wasn’t the start of what my life could be. Ever since I was eight years old, I wanted this, I wanted to be like you, only then I didn’t know you existed. I always imagined my life being so amazing, people knowing who I am, being the centre of attention, making people feel good, just doing what I loved. But now, I felt so far from achieving it, when only a couple of months ago, I felt so close. You did that all by yourself, making me feel that way. How is that fair? What had I ever done to you? Who were you to crush my dreams, and make me feel, once again, like a nobody?





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