the definition of selfish

November 20, 2009
it was a cool, somber night.the rain sounded like millions of tiny birds desending from my roof as the radio played softly. it had been a a rough couple of months and i was finally breaking down. tears fell to the the cold razor at my skin.they made me think twice. and as i thought, my mind swirled with weakness and questions. if i did this, what would happen to my future? my friends and family? my life? i put the razor down on the desk and walked to my bonus room. suspenseful music came from the movie as i opened the door, it overwhelmed me. "mom?" and then i broke down. everything came out. the pain, the sadness, the fresh cuts on my arm, all in four simple words. "i cant do this." that night after i packed i got in the car and we drove of through the darkness. we arrived at fairfax behavioral health hospital at about 9:20pm. it was there that a true new-found friend told me, "suicide is the definition of selfish." i will never try it again.

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