Why I Don't Miss You

November 19, 2009
The salt tasting water rushed down my face; my throat tightens up like knots over knots wegded in my troat, hardly letting any air in to caress my faint lungs. The foggy and faint memories rushed in my head once in awile; every now and agian. My airless body felt faint and light as if I was about to black out. The shattering mirror's glass glistened and reflected off of everything as my drunkin dad stumbled out the door.
This was the least of the s*** he put me through. Let's see, where can I start to show you how my life ended up after that? Well, my dad had to spend a few night in jail while my mom, my sister, my brother and I moved out. We did okay for the first year until he showed back up. Bam....the glistening glass was back in my dreams. My dad never came to see us so this was very strange. My heart was bouncing out of my stomach and down my legs. I was scared and not sure what to do.
i wondered why he was back? Why would he come back after the s*** he had done? I wanted to kick and scream and tell him to leave tell him that no one wanted him there, but my throat felt like knots and my body felt light and was about to implode. "get out! You dont pay child support or come to see you kids when your two houses down the street, with friends. Get the HELL out of my house!" THose were the words i wished my mom could muster the bravery to say.
I sat there quiet, sitting and glaring into the low life's eyes. I wondered if he knows how much i want to kill him or have him walk out and never show his face agian. I wonder if he knows how I felt about him , how we all felt about him? We never wanted to see him agian, but no every year or two he comes to ask us to sign off on child surpport. As my eyes end the glare between the low life's eyes and mine, my 15 year young mind will never change of the old drunken low life that walked away from his babies in diapers.
My mind is set, my dreams are crushed, now how do I move on? I blamed him for my screwed up life, even though it's not his whole entire fault (as much as I wished it was). I find security in getting into trouble---at least then someone pays attention to me.





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