November 18, 2009
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Some people can challenge their minds- I am not one of those people. I fail to compete with my thoughts. Often times, people who have anxiety or depression are labeled as “the person with anxiety.” I have tried hard this year to be the girl who was not labeled in that category. I fought for my health, for a happy state of mind. I am still fighting. Teachers tell me I am “more in control” this year, yet mentally I am not. I am losing to my mind, which is just a ball of matter right? I have quotes all over my walls, and saved on my phone. I try to remember that this is the year I prove people wrong, the year I prove myself wrong. The year that I finish a practice. The year that I don’t wear sweats to school. The year that I get an A in math. The year that I become myself again.

Some people can challenge their minds, and I am extremely jealous of them. I use breathing and other techniques to try and stay sane. My parents tell me that not playing basketball is okay because I have a lot going on this year. I remind them that the whole senior class has a lot going on, and yet some of them are three sport athletes. My friends call my pathetic, and that I didn’t even try. I sit in my room and watch the rain hit the deck, fully aware that I tried. I challenged myself. I pushed my body and my mind. I have read books, talked to professionals, talked to people with anxiety and yet I am still challenged by my mind. I have taken medicine to help control the panic attacks- I have challenged myself to live without medicine. I have been challenged by the devil with anxiety and depression, I have been blessed by God with the heart to handle it.

Some people challenge their minds, yet I challenge my heart.

I will always be the girl with anxiety and depression. I will always be prone to melting and having emotional phases. But I will always be the girl who knows herself better then someone who doesn’t suffer from mental attacks because I have had to look inside myself. To train myself. To challenge myself. I will always be the girl who knows people because of this gift of insight. I will always be the girl who loves more than the average human. Can you handle that?

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