November 16, 2009
By , Tulsa, OK
It’s strange. This time, I’m even more in love with him. He makes me grin, just because he’s mine. Yet I worry, all the time, that he’ll break-up with me, or cheat on me. It’s not just because he’s cheated on me before that I worry, it’s because I myself am insecure. I trust him. I think. Okay, I’m almost sure.

Today at my church we had a sex education lesson in youth group. I thought of my boyfriend as all of the kids in my youth group told the teachers to write on the board. Under healthy relationships I suggested trust. Under unhealthy relationships I thought cheating should go up there, but I didn’t say it, someone else did. I feel like those are two really important things, right up there with having love, honesty, and communication. It was really interesting to think about that sort of stuff. A lot of the other kids viewed it as a joke, but to me, it was serious and really interesting. Next week we’re putting condoms on bananas and oh my, even I might laugh it’ll be so awkward, but that’s just a random, funny side note.

How does that story tie in? Well the trust piece of course, because I question how much trust I have for my boyfriend and that’s a bad thing. The cheating being part of an unhealthy relationship, fits with what I’m trying to say too. I mean, we (my youth group) were saying a relationship is always unhealthy if there is cheating…but I don’t totally agree. Yes, something is wrong, but I don’t think that makes a relationship ruined. Now, if you’d asked me 4 months ago, I would have said that if a guy cheats, that’s it, no second chances. But now I defiantly have a different opinion.

It’s funny how people’s viewpoints of the world change with everything that happens. Yes, it makes sense, but it is still strange for me to think of how I viewed the world before certain events. When I was in seventh grade I thought I’d never want a boyfriend (even though I had crushes) because I was afraid a teacher would find out and have a lesser view of me. Funny, huh? Now I don’t care if a teacher overhears me talking to a friend about my boyfriend or my friend’s crushes.

I love how life changes us. Shapes us into who we are. It’s scary sometimes, trying to figure out who we are as teenagers, and then suddenly you evaluate all you believe, all you think, and you realize that you already are someone, that there are already things there that set a precedent for everything to come.

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