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Yeah, I Guess That's A Life

By , St. Paul Park, MN
My life might not be the best, but at least I have one. Living with parents who just want to yell and complain all the time and having some “friends” who don’t want anything to do with me, yeah I guess that’s a life. Everyday I will wakeup wondering if anyone will want to talk to me, and if they did I would come home feeling like I have had the best day of my life.

Luckily if it wasn’t for music, I don’t think I would be writing this right now. Music has always been the band-aid to my pain after people have poured salt into the wound. Music has been the thing to keep me going after so many things have knocked me to the floor. The way music moves and speaks to me, it’s probably saved my life. Listening to songs about how people have gone through the same things as me it makes me feel not so alone. Hearing the stories that people pour their heart and soul into makes me feel like tomorrow can be better.

My parents are okay I guess. My mom complains every chance she gets and when I tell her to stop talking after her complaining for over a half an hour she says, “My family doesn’t love me enough to listen to my problems.” She always makes me feel guilty for the stupidest things. Like if I buy a shirt from a thrift store or Wal-mart or where ever, then after a month it doesn’t fit me anymore or I don’t like it she goes, “Fine just throw it away, I just bought that shirt and you’re just basically giving it away.” My dad isn’t always around so I don’t really talk to him except when he’s insulting me. (He calls it joking around.) My dad never even wants to play games with his family so it’s like he’s the financial support and that’s it.

Now at school, life isn’t the best. Sure I have a best friend named Sam who I love to death and I’m getting to know her friend George, but after that no one is even on my list of friends. At school I always feel alone in a sea of people. Listening to the stories friends tell friends, or the stories boyfriends tell girlfriends. It makes me feel like the outsider, the only outsider. Even people who are nerds have people to talk to. Sure I also have Jen, Brooke, and some other people but I always feel like to them I’m the annoying person that won’t leave anybody alone. Talking to my “friends”, James, John, Chris, Jason, Kate, and other people is really a great big chore. I could die tomorrow, and they probably wouldn’t care. Kate maybe has something to say to me every once in awhile but after that it seems like I can’t talk to her at all because I’m not as cool as her or I have nothing cool to say. She is also way too sarcastic and makes me think it’s serious just so she can see me make a fool of myself in front of everybody. It doesn’t help when you sit in the corner of the classroom either. James, I’m so confused about him. It’s like one day I’m good enough to talk to, then the next day I’m not worthy to sit in the same room as him. He actually said to me, “If you get me a Christmas present, I will do one of two things. I will either give it to a complete stranger or I will throw it away.” My heart just sank like the Titanic. After hearing that, I just wondered if he was really worth my time. So right now I’m just trying to leave him alone. Most likely he won’t come after me. No guy does. Then John, he’s okay but if I ask him a question he will just completely ignore me and talk to the person next to him. I never thought that high school would be like hell this much for me. Jason, I’m actually just getting to know him so I don’t really have anything to say.

But really if I learned it was going to be this hard, I would have begged to be homeschooled. But even after all this; yeah I guess that’s a life.





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Aastha`Duggal said...
Nov. 27, 2009 at 5:44 am
I can totally realte to it. We all feel like this some time or the other. You feel like life is unfair to you and only you. You may feel left out right now but later on in life, the same will be your driving force, motivating you to do better everyday.
 
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