(part 2) You will never understand from the eyes of a 16 year old

November 8, 2009
They say life’s about making chooses but that’s not the truth. When do we ever get to make our own decisions? Oh that’s right when where eighteen. What a waste of seventeen year. What’s the damn point anymore? Oh let me guess you don’t have a real answer. Great, well I’m tired of being tied down. I just want to be free. There’s so much pressure in life.hmm imagine when I’m older. It’s just all too much for me. I don’t think I can hold on much longer. I’m slowly slipping into the pit of darkness. I can’t breathe. All this pressure is pushing me further down. Am I going crazy? I guess not, because crazy people never realize when their crazy. Then why do I feel so crazy? Maybe I’m just not stable. Should I give up or keep holding on? Don’t answer, that’s also my decision to make. I guess it’s the only decision I can make on my own. Hmm. Crazy. Sad. Well no need to worry because I’m still holding on stronger than ever.

Do you ever feel like life is crashing down on you or wonder who you are? What you are? I guess I’m just a nobody, because I let others define who I am for me. When will they stop? Will they ever stop? How are we supposed to stand on our own with others telling us what to do? Don’t you wish they would stop? Are we just not allowed to be happy? Do they not want us to be happy? I think that’s it, they want to see us miserable, because that’s how it feels every single day living my life. Opps I mean there life. Because I don’t have a life, I’m nothing. I vanished a long time ago and I won’t be coming back. I have lost all hope. You want me to be normal. But what is normal exactly? I bet you don’t even know. I guess normal it’s whatever we make it out to be, whatever satisfies our need. But is that really even normal? No, because there is no such thing as normal.

Hmm will I ever be accepted? There I go again thinking too much. But what do you expect, we grown up wondering are we going to heaven or hell. Is there such a thing? Why should there be a hell if god’s forgiving. Or does he really forgive? People never really forgive you for bad things. They may say they do but they don’t because they remind you of the bad you’ve done every change they get. Hmmm. But back to god. If he created us shouldn’t he accept those whom he has created? Or do I just have it all wrong? I guess I’m a sin then. The one person I looked up all these years, dying for a ticket to heaven when it’s my time, won’t even accept me. So what now for me then? Where do I go from here now? Since no one truly accepts me. Hmm. But ill still believe in you even though it’s all just a mystery.

I feel like I’m in this world all alone. I guess the saying is right “you were born alone and you will die alone” but what about in between?
Well I’m tired of writing this pointless story. No one would understand it any way; guess I just wasted my time. 2,071 words to waste. I still feel there is more to say, more to get off my chest. But I don’t know what more can I say, how much clearer can it possible be?





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