Implicit Differentiation

As much as I tried, I could not feel any jolt at all; the electrifying sensations that were supposed to accompany such a pure expression of romance failed to appear. If I may, it was much like the comedic build-up of a movie - the resulting record backscratch echoed and my puzzled “That’s it?” thoughts swirled around, admittedly, the same curious confusion.

Despite my rather planted opinions on faith and the soul, I’ve always possessed a silly belief that, somehow, I would “just know.” It is difficult to explain such a vague phrase; however, I believe it is a concept that everyone can relate to inherently.

That frigid afternoon, as snowflakes placidly sank into the banks of forming piles that were beginning to dot the ground, I tasted the guilt of the incapacity to reciprocate. I could not lift the snowflakes that lay, dead and forlorn, on the frozen ground.

But high school love is ephemeral, and the tireless counter of time inevitably differentiates the steady from the capricious.

I had always been flighty.

But I was so, so sure of this.

Maybe the timing could not have been worse for him. Perhaps there was not anything to begin with. Or, indeed, maybe we were “united only through the common loneliness of being without any distinguishable direction.” I was, and am, definite in these words.

So, why was it, as our hearts both pounded from the sheer lunacy of our rather compromising position, that could I feel nothing at first, yet again? Obviously, through our age, we are not going to find the “One.” If we are lucky, it would be a miracle to just find reciprocation. Alas, although my mind was certain of my emotions, my guttural feelings refused to come to an agreement.

It is commonly said that the first and the last instances are the most memorable. And, well, I did dearly desire just a few more seconds of the last, for I did not know that it would be, the last.

However, it is such a pity that we cannot cherish the moments in between as they come. For, as much as the first and the last kiss still stay with me, it is the surprising jolts of the ones in between that I value the most.





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