Night time alone is by far the most terrifying thing someone can face. Its a time when your forced to think, because there's nothing else to do and your mind wanders where it will. It's the time when you face your secrets, your past, your lies, and essentialy yourself. Questioning all you are and all you believe, its very easy to slip in to dark thoughts. You see your faults, and how bad the world is. You think that it will never get nay better, because your 15 and it hasn't yet. It's the time when it is the easist to let depression take hold because no one is there to talk to you, or to hold you. No one is there to stop you. You can do anything in the night, because you feel as if no one else is there. Everything you need is in your bedroom or maybe you need to take a short trip to the bathroom. A razor blade, a broken lightbulb, a fragment of a mirror. Afraid of the pain? Take pills, or numb your wrist with ice. So easy, so terrifyingly simple. You stay up all night wondering, how will I do it, how will i hide it, or make it look like a mistake. By the time you've decided it's dawn, sunlight is breaking over the horizen. You retreat from your own mind and allow thoughts of school or work consume you. It's so easy to forget, but at the end of the day you have to face it and again, and again, and again. But what if morning comes to late? What if your not there to forget? What then? Then your just gone. Night time is the most terrifying thing anyone can face, because you have the chance to think, analyze, and give in.
October 6, 2009