September 30, 2009
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I love you you’re my baby, Forever.”
Tears fall down my face. I haven’t heard him say that in so long. It feels like years since I’ve talked to him when really it’s only been four months. I hear him start to cry.
“I love you too.”
I knew he was leaving, but for how long I didn’t. I have a new boyfriend, it shouldn’t hurt like this. It was only two years, he lied to me, and hurt me so much. I shouldn’t be telling him that I love him but it’s the truth. He didn’t want me to know he was leaving, he told Sea Anna not to tell me. He thought it would be better that way. I didn’t sleep that night hoping maybe he’d come take me away but he never came.
The next few days I just didn’t know what to do with myself. I could feel everyone in each class waiting for me, waiting for me to just break down. People would whisper his name scared to see what would happen if I heard. Spanish class was the worst. That was the only class I had with him. I also had the class with Dee, Alaina, and Sea Anna. Before he left I switched into fourth period Spanish because I couldn’t take being around him it hurt too much. Especially to watch him flirt with Dee and Alaina. I hated going to school because that meant I would see him. No matter how much I avoided him I would still see him.
He taught me how to hate him but I loved him so I couldn’t like everyone else did. I remember one night when I couldn’t stop crying and all I wanted was for him to come home, Nate told me, “How can you let him do this to you, he’s killing you.”
My Parents hated him.
“If I have one regret about moving to Carmel it’s Ryker.”
That’s when I finally started to see what he had done to me.
My relationship with Nate didn’t work out. I was afraid to trust him after what had happened with Ryker. I was afraid to love someone with my whole heart again like I did with Ryker. Nate and I stayed close for a while after that he was always there for me when I was still hurting from Ryker. When the school year started Nate started to hate me because I started going out with one of our friends. Nate ignores me now because he thinks it’s easier than to actually acknowledge his feelings. I broke up with Misael and we are still really close friends. Which I hope never changes but Nate still ignores me.

My character and my perspective changed because of Ryker and what I went through with him. I’ll always love him which I’ve learned over time. I have a different perspective of love now. I’m still not quite sure what it is. I thought I had it with him but looking back and realizing how bad we treated each other I don’t want that to be love for me. I don’t trust guys as easily anymore. Ryker lied to me a lot whether we were dating or not. I lost a lot of my own self respect and confidence too. When we broke up he said a lot of nasty things to me which really broke me down. I learned a lot through all of this. I think the biggest thing was,
“Time heals all wounds.”

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